


The Edge of the World

by plums_peaches



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark Comedy, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feels, Foreplay, Oral, Overstimulation, Porn With Plot, Reader-Insert, References to Depression, Sarcasm, Slight degredation, Slow Burn, Smut, Spanking, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, all the feelings, but still a little kinky, complete immersion, hella backstory, how much sarcasm is too much sarcasm?, i mean the absolute SLOWEST of burns, nothing TOO kinky, safe words
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:02:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29945589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plums_peaches/pseuds/plums_peaches
Summary: You are a member of the 102nd Garrison, graduating top of your class and entering the Survey Corps. Your mastery of ODM gear and steeliness in the face of titans causes you to quickly rise through the ranks, even though you detest the attention. Finally, you find yourself in part of the most elite squad. The undertones of disdain and grudging respect between you is mutual. They think you don't deserve to be there, you don't really care. You haven't cared about anything for a long time. You didn't think there could be anyone colder than you, until you meet your new captain. Can the two of you remember how to be human again?
Relationships: Levi Ackerman & Reader, Levi Ackerman/Reader
Comments: 17
Kudos: 27





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - IMPLICIT REFERENCES TO DEPRESSION.
> 
> I personally don't like y/n for reader inserts, so you'll be Arden Reader
> 
> *This is the full story that the one-shot I wrote is part of

_Ahhh… This really sucks. I hate when I go out into the public and the friggin public is there._ You don’t know why you thought you needed one last walk around the familiar streets. You’ve never been one for nostalgia. _  
  
  
_The year is 848 and you’re in your last year of training as part of the 102 nd Training Corps. Three years ago, after the colossal titan destroyed Wall Maria, your city was flooded with refugees. As someone who never particularly liked people to begin with, this turned everything into a massive headache for you.  
  
  
You entered the Training Corps not out of an overwhelming desire to help other people, but rather as a necessity to get out of the stinking streets that became your hometown. Not that you had much attachment to it to begin with. Your life so far was essentially the universe handing you the short end of the stick wherever it could. Your mother suffered from preeclampsia and died soon after you were born. You were told by people who knew her that you shared a lot of her features. Blackest of black hair that hung loosely down your back, brown eyes that you always thought looked like cow shit. _How original._ Before she died, she named you after her mother, Arden. The only thing you really like about your face are the freckles that dot your nose and cheeks, a feature you got from your father.   
  
  
He was a military engineer, specializing in designing the cannisters that held the compressed gas and helping out every now and then with the ODM gear. You still remember playing with all the little pieces that made up the vertical maneuvering equipment and asking him endlessly how such small pieces can fit together to make someone look like they’re flying. He would glance over at you and in his deep, rough voice respond, “Physics. Once you understand the particles that make up the gas, how they interact with one another and the power they hold under the right conditions, you can manipulate them to make them do what you want.” Although he and your mother were never married, that didn’t stop him from taking responsibility for you after her death. He never wanted a child, but he loved your mother and was a good enough man to not leave you on your own. He was always awkward with you and not perfect by any means, constantly making trips to the factories where the compressed gas is made and leaving you on your own for extended periods of time. But he would always answer your questions when you asked him about your work and leave you with endless physics textbooks and manuals about ODM gear to entertain yourself in his absence.  
  
  
Once, when you were four years old, you asked your father why you didn’t have a last name. At this, he hesitated, and then in the straightforward way in which he always answered all your questions, replied, “I couldn’t decide if you should keep your mother’s maiden name, or if you’d ever want mine. Neither seemed right at the time.”  
  
  
“Why shouldn’t I have your name? If I’m your daughter?”  
  
  
At this, you saw a flash of emotion over your dad’s normally stoic face. It’s not that he was completely void of emotion, but that he rarely let the events around him affect him, a trait the two of you shared.  
  
  
“Do whatever you want” he grunted, turning away from you. A dumb smile spread over your face and you clung to his side the rest of the evening, watching his hands as he worked and trying to recreate what he was building with scraps scattered around the table. From that moment on, you became Arden Reader.  
  
  
On occasion, when you got older, he would bring you to the towering factories to see the powerful machines that manufactured the gas. High pressured and dangerous, you were immediately intrigued at learning everything you could about your dad’s work. You spent your childhood reading the complicated textbooks, even if you couldn’t comprehend most of it at the time. While other kids would run around playing with the dogs and cats in the street, you were content to observe them from your window, preferring to gaze at the rooftops and imagining yourself soaring above them one day.  
  
  
Most of the time, you only left your house when your dad would drag you out to give you kickboxing lessons. He was tough on you, not knowing how to simplify his own years of training to explain the techniques to a kid. You didn’t understand his motivation to train you at the time, but when you got older, you would always appreciate the hours he spent making you into a competent fighter. You were a young woman alone in the world, without a mother or siblings to protect you. You needed to know how to defend yourself. And you were small, too, the complications of your birth forced you to be delivered a few weeks early and you never seemed to catch up to the growth curve.  
  
  
You were 15 when you received the news. There had been an explosion in one of the chambers of the factory. There was little investigation into the cause, and ultimately, the issue was quickly put under wraps by the Military Police. 2 engineers had died in the explosion, 7 others injured.  
  
  
You didn’t speak to anyone for weeks. _I’m an orphan now._ The thought didn’t seem real to you. As his daughter, you inherited all of your father’s possessions, including his home and savings. The military also gave you hefty compensation, a token consolidation to help you move on. You sold his house and moved to a tiny apartment on top of a modest bakery, ran by an old, wrinkly couple. Most of the space was taken up by the books and tools you took with you when you moved. The old couple was nice to you; the apartment belonged to their son, who moved out a few years ago to when his career as a trading merchant took off. While you tried your best to keep your distance from them (old people creeped you out), they would often catch you on your way up in the evenings and give you the leftovers from the day’s work. You didn’t verbally express it, but you were grateful to them. Bread was always a weakness of yours, and theirs was the most delicious. You helped out where you could, fixing small issues with the oven here, an uneven table there, a rusty door hinge. Occasionally, you’d entertain them by listening to their lifetime’s worth of stories. What piqued your interest the most, however, would be when their son would come back to visit. He was friendly to you and would always have the most curious goods with him that he’d eagerly explain to you.  
  
  
For a few years, you lived there peacefully. You even befriended a little black cat that would linger outside of the bakery, patiently waiting for you to drop scraps from your window. You don’t know how it got to the second floor, but one day you found it napping in your open windowsill, and since then, the two of you have lived together symbiotically. You named him Bark.  
  
  
After you exhausted all of your father’s books, you began accumulating your own, furthering your knowledge in subjects of physics and mathematics. When the son realized this, whenever he’d come back to visit, he’d always bring a few obscure books back for you. They were usually old, random pieces he picked up more so because no one wanted, but you liked the occasional change in pace from the normally mind twisting equations that you studied. The books could be about anything and everything: old medicines, a random geology book, an astrology guide, even an instruction manual for creating your own tea blends.  
  
  
Besides your tiny pseudo-family, you didn’t really talk with anyone else. Kids your age seemed immature and dumb to you. Adults were petty and child-like, always arguing over things that didn’t really matter. You were happy keeping to yourself, your face neutral as you walked the streets performing menial daily tasks. You considered being an engineer for a while, but all that changed when news that the colossal titan had destroyed Wall Maria began spreading through the city.  
  
  
Just a trickle of women and children came at first, then in waves. Eyes quivering and frightened, the streets soon became clogged with unhygienic people loitering around looking for work and scraps of food. As resources dwindled, aggravation escalated. When the government decided to send a third of the population out beyond the walls, the city finally had some breathing room again. But the sights still made you sick in your stomach. The dead eyes, the stories of how the giant titans would tear people limb from limb before gobbling them down into an insatiable stomach. No matter what you did, you couldn’t seem to escape the constant cloud of misery that seemed to hang over the city all the time. It was suffocating; it was what you hated the most. To see people crowded like cattle, fear stripping them of having thoughts of their own. Slaves to the horrors that haunted them even in their dreams.  
  
  
More than anything, you wanted to escape. Once the idea struck you, you couldn’t enlist fast enough. You made up your mind, quite impulsively, to join the Survey Corps. Even though your feelings towards the military were pretty sour, you couldn’t bear a life stuck within the walls any longer, waiting for the city to slowly choke you to death. And besides, entering the Survey Corps meant you didn’t have to deal with citizens or the higher ups. All you had to deal with were titans, and while their expressions were dumb and stupid, at least they couldn’t speak. And so, you became part of the 102nd Training Corps.  
  
  
Your time there went by quickly, your mind occupied by the endless lessons and ODM training. Many of your classmates, you were surprised, had no previous fighting experience whatsoever. You secretly relished in knocking them on their asses during combat training, enjoying their frustrated faces and the bruises you left on them. Maybe because of your thorough knowledge about how the vertical maneuvering equipment worked and how to control the gas, you mastered it easily. “You can’t expect a man to be able to fix a wheel, if you don’t first teach him how to use a wrench” you remember you father telling you. You can’t kill titans if you don’t understand the ODM gear, and you understood it better than anyone else. In your spare time, you’d tinker with the dumpy trainee gear and adjust it to make your turns sharper, your lift-off acceleration faster. The only time your mind felt lighter would be when you were training in the forests, zig zagging in between trees, feeling the power of the compressed gas propelling you forward from the small of your lower back.  
  
  
It took you a while to become adjusted to using blades and not your fists. This was the thing you had the most difficulty with, something about slicing the rubber necks on the training grounds didn’t feel as satisfactory to you as landing a punch on a jaw or flipping someone onto their back. Over the years, you learned to adjust to using the blades until it felt like an extension of your own arm. You weren’t the best in everything—one of your pitfalls was that if you weren’t interested in a subject, you struggled to put in enough energy to master it. But your tactical and physical training scores made up for it.  
  
  
Now, you had finally reached the end of your training. When they announced the top ten graduates, you hardly noticed when your name was called as the top of the class and the few, insincere claps that followed. While you didn’t have any negative feelings with any of your classmates, you avoided getting particularly close to them either. It always seemed pointless to you to invest effort into relationships that would soon end.  
  
  
Keith Sadies cleared his throat, “Congratulations to the top ten graduates. You all have the honor of joining the Military Police if you wish.” The other cadets buzzed around you excitedly, already talking about the cushy lifestyles they would live. Only you stayed behind as the rest of them went to pack their belongings. Sadies raised an eyebrow at you, but said nothing as he moved aside to let a tall, blonde man with _fantastic_ eyebrows take his place.  
  
  
 _Erwin Smith._ The 13th commander of the Survery Corps. He was intimidating in both frame and gaze, and you felt your ears perk up as he began addressing the rest of the newly graduated soldiers. You coughed to hide a chuckle that rose from you at the unexpected enthusiasm at which he screamed at the rest of you. _Is he trying to recruit us or scare us away?_ You thought, as he droned on and on about what it meant to devote your heart or something. You weren’t really paying attention to what he was saying though, you were too busy wondering how much product he uses in his hair every morning.  
  
  
 _None of this matters,_ you think, _no matter how much you scream or how rallying your words are, you can’t inspire the extraordinary from people if they, themselves, are born limited.  
  
  
_ You don’t remember what he said last, but suddenly, he goes quiet. You hear the defeated shuffle of feet behind you as one by one, your classmates leave, resigning themselves to a career in the Garrison Regiment. You don’t bother to look around you to see who is left, you don’t really care. They’ll probably all be dead soon anyways.  
  
  
“Devote your hearts!” Commander Erwin screams. _Does he only have one volume?_  
  
  
“Devote your hearts” you murmur, unenthusiastically bringing your fist in salute over your heart, inaudible compared to the rest of the new members of the Survey Corps screaming alongside you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A few days has passed since then. You’ve moved out of the training barracks and are enjoying your last few days in your hometown before moving to the Scout's headquarters. You dredge up the familiar stair and flop onto your bed, absentmindedly stroking Bark as you dimly ponder which books you’ll be able to bring with you. The familiar scent of fresh bread wafts through the floorboards and make your room smell like home.   
  
  
_Soon, I’ll be fighting titans._ The reality hasn’t really set in, but you’re used to feeling detached. When it comes time for it, you don’t think you’ll be too frightened. People die all the time doing ordinary things. A woman giving birth, an old person who falls down the stairs, a man who goes to work, a child who catches a nasty strain of the flu. Such unextraordinary lives most people live, so boring and mundane. You don’t care if there’s no one to remember how you die; as it is, there are barely any people who care about you in the living. _Being eaten by a titan is less pathetic than the rest,_ you think.  
  
  
Content with your thoughts, you look out your window to the familiar, dusty streets below. A half empty suitcase sits on the floor. Bark’s quiet purr is comforting under your fingers. A humid gust ruffles your curtains, so thick and slow, its barely wind. You don’t feel anxious or scared for what’s to come. You haven’t felt anything for a while.  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi once again this is just my own guilty pleasure. Idk if I'm any good at writing, so here is my first attempt for you all looking to escape reality. IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SMUT, HEAD OVER TO MY ONE-SHOT FOR A SNEAK PEAK OF WHAT'S TO COME. More smut is coming, I'm just not good at writing it without the proper emotional context. 
> 
> I am detailed and like to take my time with the setting and character development. Be prepared for the SLOWEST of burns. I want the reader to feel immersed, so I'm spending time creating a holistic world for you. 
> 
> I'm not a writer by any terms, so if you enjoyed this, please leave a comment and let me know! 
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	2. Turnip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: IMPLICIT DEPICTIONS OF DEPRESSION.

“And this is my baby, Charlotte” Team Leader Ness wraps up. You and the rest of the new recruits had spent the first few days in the Survey Corps being shown the ropes by this man. He was a little goofy (that bandana was not fooling anyone), but he helped ease the transition. “Now, all of you will receive your own horses. They are taught to not spook at titan combat, and they’re specially bred to outrun them. Spend time forming a relationship with your horse, they’re guaranteed to save your ass out there.”

  
“Roger” you call out with the rest of the soldiers, then make your way forward to your assigned horse. He’s a handsome beast, dark chestnut coat gleaming in the sunlight. His mane is black and tangled, you make a mental note to come back later and brush it out. You can’t stand when things are out of place.

  
“Not a bad looking one, eh?” you hear a voice all behind you. Turning, you see a man with shaggy dark hair reach up to give the horse a pat. You recognize him as Tomas, a member of Squad Miche. He was one of the friendlier older members, taking time to answer any of the questions the new green cadets had. “This is Turnip”.

  
You eyebrow raises in acknowledgement, “Does he only eat turnips or something?”

  
Tomas chuckles, “Nope. On the contrary, he only likes apples. He's a sucker for sweets.”

  
The corner of your mouth twitches “Well, I guess that’s something the two of us have in common” You murmur to your horse. It’s only been a few days, but you often find yourself craving the sweet, warm breads of the bakery, instead of the hard loaves they serve you at the mess hall. You always had a sweet tooth, a trait your father once said that you shared with your late mother.

“How are you adjusting so far?” he asks in a lighthearted voice. Most of the other Survey Corps members, except for the elite squads which are frequently sent on scavenging missions, spend the days polishing their gear, training, or taking care of chores around the barracks. The new recruits have yet to be assigned to a squad; you’re well aware that you’re all in a trial period, given progressively challenging tasks to see where you best fit.

_What’s his deal?_ So far, you’ve avoided talking to anyone as best you can, hanging around behind the rest of the recruits and asking no questions. Being away from the city and in the barracks has given you some reprise. You enjoy having a daily routine and people giving you orders every hour of the day. It gives you less to think about. Following orders is easy, it is always more convenient when someone else is doing the thinking. All you need to do is execute.

“I’m fine. Everyone is friendly and welcoming" _almost too friendly at times,_ "All of us have decided to join the Survey Corps, and we’re prepared for the consequences that will come from that.” You say nonchalantly.

Tomas lets out a louder laugh, “Hey, hey, hey” he holds up his hands defensively, “You make joining the Scouts sound like a death sentence.”

_Isn’t it though? Commander Erwin sure made it seem as such._ To your relief, Tomas doesn’t pursue the conversation further. He makes his way around to the rest of the recruits, patting the horses and telling them some interesting fact about each of their horses. _I knew he was a weird horse guy. I miss Bark…_

Surrounded by people chatting in the mess hall, you’re sitting alone at dinner again, writing down spare thoughts in the notebook you carry with you everywhere. Since joining the corps, you’ve been able to see the more practical applications of your training. The maneuvering drills were much more important than anything you studied in the classroom. Why did they make you memorize so much when all you do is follow orders from above?

You scribble another brief design as the soup in front of you turns cold. Pushing it aside, you rise and make your way to the stables, grabbing an apple on your way. Taking the brush and one of the lamps at the entrance, you make your way down the rows of horses until you find Turnip, holding out the apple to appease the horse. While he munches on it, you set the lamp down and set to work detangling his mane. The repetitive task is calming, and you feel a rare moment of peace, surrounded by the gentle breathing of the beasts around you.

_Almost done_. You yawn and stretch out your legs, sore from squatting down for so long. You didn’t realize how late it’s gotten, the sun had completely set, leaving only the deepest traces of orange and magenta over the horizon. You hear something outside and whip your head over to see a group of people entering the stables.

  
“Ah that took too fucking long” and older man with a deep wrinkles around his mouth and light, ash gray hair complains.  
  


“If you killed that group of titans to begin with, we wouldn’t have had to spend so much time running in circles trying to avoid them, Oruo” a taller man with blonde hair, tied back in a ponytail, responds.   
  


_Squad Levi,_ made up of Oruo Bozad, Eld Gin, Gunther Schultz, and Petra Ral. The most elite group of veteran soldiers in the Survey Corps, under command of humanity’s strongest. Commander Erwin often sends them on missions into the titan riddled territory to gather supplies and assess the situation outside of Wall Rose.  
  


You hear four voices chatter lightly as they put their horses down for the evening, hardly glancing your way as they pass your stall. You keep your eyes down on the work in front of you, trying to act like you don’t notice them at all. Like you hardly needed to work at being any more invisible than you already are. You were nothing but a new recruit, with zero kills. Insignificant and unimportant, not even a member of a squad yet.  
  


The last of the tangles get tugged free by the time you hear the members of Squad Levi leave the stables, their voices growing softer as they head towards the barracks. Exhaling a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding, you nearly kick the lamp over when you hear an icy voice behind you.  
  
  
“Oi, how long are you planning to sit on your ass and play with horse shit?”  
  
  
It feels like someone is dripping cold water down your back. You turn and face Captain Levi. He is leaning against the stall across from yours, arms crossed with a scowl across his face. You hadn't heard him at all, you didn't even realize he came with the rest of his squad. Raven hair falls over the deepest blue eyes, which flash menacingly in the dying light.  
  


You gulp, the fuzzy feelings of peace you briefly had immediately gone. _What the hell_ you think to yourself as your stomach suddenly lurches.Almost as a defense mechanism, you innately refuse to think that another person can make you nervous.  
  


“Do you need something, Captain Levi?” you ask in a steady, neutral tone. You’ve heard the stories; this man is perpetually pissed off. There was no reason to think he was annoyed at you in particular.  
  
  
“That” he says flatly, pointing a slim finger to the brush in your hand.  
  


Wordlessly, you get up and give Turnip one last good stroke down the middle of his face, lingering just a moment to gaze into his dark eyes. They were poop colored like yours. You liked that about him. Then, you turn on your heels and walk up to the small man, slightly irritated at the fact that he stood a few inches taller than you. At the very least, you’d like to be able to glare down at him. Placing the items in his hand, you give him a quick salute and turn to leave. You feel like you can’t get out of there quick enough. Something about the cold eyes makes you feel creeped out; they somehow look like the calm before a storm and the stillness right after a thunderstorm has passed at the same time.  
  


“I better not find you in here again hogging all of the grooming supplies.” He says flatly.  
  


Turning around at the entrance, you make eye contact for the briefest time that is acceptable, “Roger”. Then you’re gone, leaving the man with steely eyes behind you.  
  


You keep your eyes down until you reach the women’s dormitory. You quickly wash up for bed and release a deep sigh as you lean back on the rough pillows. Lighting a candle, you open your notebook again and continue your drawings. The equipment you’ve been issued is slightly better than the shit you trained with, but still nowhere near as good enough as you know you can make it. You wish you could get your hands on some brand new ODM gear, to feel how smooth the coils eject without worrying about the gears jamming. But the newest equipment was reserved for the elite squads. _Only the most elite titans killers, like..._ The blue eyes flash in your mind briefly, sending a chill through your body. The feeling of his eyes on yours lingers like a bad aftertaste. Setting the unpleasant encounter from the evening aside, you hunker down and start solving the equations you’ve created for yourself, filling your mind with numbers and designs until the candle burns out and you burrow into your covers to sleep. 

At 6 o'clock sharp the next morning, the alarm goes off and you hear a gentle groan as the other female soldiers around you stir awake. You throw an arm over your eyes to block out the sunlight from the windows being thrown open, laying in bed for a few more moments while you wait for the other cadets to trickle out. You hated waking up. If falling asleep wasn't so satisfying, you fancy that you'd never wake up again. You'd spend the days curled up in your bed, not having to think about anything and at the same time, having access to greater areas of your brain and being able to dream up inventions that couldn't exist in real life. You'd sleep and sleep and sleep until your flesh wasted away and your bones turned to dust, eventually being scattered by the wind.   
  


Sadly, that wasn't an option for a soldier. Once you hear the room become mostly empty, you drag your legs over the side of the bed and stretch your sore back, wiping the sleep from your eyes. You haphazardly wash your face in cold water, rushing to make up for the minutes you wasted sleeping in. Next, you methodically make your bed until it's smooth enough to your satisfaction. You hated messes. Keeping what few things you have control in your life organized and habitual helped keep you going throughout the day. Like little checkpoints you could use to make sure you were still functioning from one moment to the next.   
  
  
You trudge down to the mess hall and spoon a few mouthfuls of oats down your throat, keeping your eyes down on the mush. You couldn't name most of the faces of the people around you if you tried, they kind of all blurred together. Their conversations around you nothing but a constant buzz that you've learned to tune out. Once you determine you've consumed enough to keep you going for the morning, you go outside to where the rest of the new soldiers are lined up to receive your instructions for the day.  
  
  
“Hey! Reader!” you wince slightly as Tomas’s voice calls out behind you. _It’s way too early in the morning for someone to be this enthusiastic._ You don’t turn quickly enough to avoid the arm he throws over your shoulder, “Good news, looks like you’ll be working with our squad for the next few days” he gives you a wide grin, “Commander Erwin has a little scouting mission prepared for us to get some material from a storehouse another squad mapped out recently. Looks like you’ll finally be able to show that legendary stuff of yours!”  
  


At this, you frown slightly. “What the hell are you talking about?”  
  
  
“C’mon, all the other new recruits talk about how you were the best at using the ODM gear, no one else even came close. I’m curious to see you in action.”  
  


You frown deepens, _He's not wrong.... But_ _I don’t like the sound of this_. “What do you mean they talk about me?” you say curtly. This is literally the last thing you wanted.  
  


He quickly removes his arm and his tone gets defensive, “It’s all good things, all good things!” he says quickly, “I mean, what else did you expect, though. The Commander was curious why the top of the class wanted to join the Scout Regiment instead of the MP. He looked at your training records and saw that how excellent you were at everything ODM related and decided to see if your worth would hold up in the field.”  
  


At this, your frown lessens a little, replaced by a twinge of curiosity, “Out in the field?”  
  
  
  
Tomas grins, “Yup! You’re going to be a temporary part of Squad Miche while Commander Erwin evaluates the rest of you new recruits. Try not to die on your first mission, eh?” With an absolutely gross wink, he strolls off, leaving you alone to try and process everything he just told you.  
  
  


 _So they think I’m some kind of ODM wizard, huh?_ An ill-humored grin slowly spreads across your face. _Time to see what these titans are made of._

  
  


Preparations for the expedition begin immediately. You equip Turnip with his saddle and equipment bags and pull the straps of your gear tight over your thighs and chest. By now, the imprint of the gear doesn’t disappear anymore, even if you go days without wearing it. You don’t mind, it looks pretty cool. Besides, it’s not like anyone is going to see you naked in the near future.  
  
  
“Do you have any questions before we head out?” Captain Miche says behind you. He is a tall man with funny hair, an even funnier habit of sniffing people when he meets them. You still remember the shivers that ran down your spine when he bent down to smell you after Tomas first brought you to him for introductions. You don’t know why, but you felt somewhat satisfied when he seemed to nod his approval after a few sniffs. He is a skilled soldier, just second behind Captain Levi. Out of everyone you could have been assigned to, you mind him the least. He respected your space and wasn’t too sociable (unlike some other members of his squad), but he spoke with confidence and his words were always straightforward.  
  
  
“No” you respond hastily, hoping you sounded more confident than you felt. Now that the moment was actually _here_ , you couldn’t help but feeling a little apprehensive above what lay on the other side of the wall. Your whole life, you had known nothing but the space between Wall Rose and Wall Maria.  
  


“If you’re feeling nervous about something, its better to get the jitters out now rather than freaking out when you see your first titan.” Nanaba says to you bluntly.  
  
  
You blush at her words. She is a handsome woman, with blue eyes and blonde hair. Her demeanor was always cool and collected and she was someone you respected. You deeply admired how amazing her undercut looked. You always had a thing for undercuts.  
  
  
“I’ll be fine” you say quickly, mounting your horse. After double checking your cannisters and blades were full, and that your flares were where you could easily reach them, you look at the gate and wait for Captain Miche’s command.  
  


“Raise the gate!” his voice booms. And with that, you and the rest of the squad lurches forward in titan territory. The mission was simple: get to the storehouse and fill the cart with the food and supplies inside, haul your asses back to headquarters. No casualties.  
  
  
You ride for a while, senses alert. You don't know how long it takes until the initial thrill passes and you are able to pay more attention to your surrounding. You look up at the clear blue sky as civilization falls away, replaced by open landscape and sparse tree. This is what you’ve been working for, this freedom and fresh air. You notice the way your lungs seem to expand more, the exhilaration of feeling Turnip’s strong muscles contract underneath you. You can tell he's happy to stretch his legs too, this horse was born to run. Everything beyond the walls looks brighter, sharper. The heavy mist that usually hangs heavy on your mind lifts a little, blown away by fresh gust of wind.  
  
  


That’s when Captain Miche turns his head to your squad’s seven-o’clock and squints. “Titans coming! Four of them it looks like” Excitement or panic, or maybe both, starts pounding through your veins. “Dammit, we are so close to the storehouse too” he spits. The problem was straightforward: unless you defeat the titans now, they’ll only catch up to you by the time you stop at the storehouse, and you can’t risk them destroying all the supplies. But if the whole squad stops right now, it’ll eat up the rest of the daylight you have, and you don’t have the gear needed to travel in the dark.  
  


  
You look behind you at the lumbering giants that are getting progressively closer. _So these are what titans look like in real life._ Eyes darting forward, you see a small cluster of old abandoned buildings in the near distance. Your mind is running a mile a minute, and before you can stop yourself, you find yourself speaking up. You can’t remember the last time you felt this alive. “Captain Miche!” your voice is strong and confident. “Let me take care of these. I can ambush them at those buildings up ahead.”  
  
  
  
“Are you crazy?” he shouts at you through narrowed eyes.  
  
  


 _How rude._ “No, sir. Let me take care of these titans. If I succeed, I’ll shoot my green flare up, which means it’s safe to come back this way. If I shoot a red flare, or you don’t see any flare at all by the time it’s time to return, that’ll mean that I’ve failed, and you all can take an alternative route back. Best option, we successfully complete the mission with no casualties. At the worst, you lose a single, new cadet who hasn't even been assigned to a squad yet."  
  
  
He sizes you up for a moment and makes up his mind, “Tomas! Go with her. I better seen those green flares go up, soldiers.”  
  
  
You roll your eyes and inwardly groan. _Not that annoying fuck._ “Roger!” the two of you call. Once you reach the abandoned buildings, the two of you break off, drawing the titans towards you, while the rest of the squad maintains course. You leave the horses down below you and use your gear to swing to the top of the buildings.  
  


“Now’s your time to shine, Reader” Tomas says with a grin, “Don’t forget to say please if you need me to save your ass.”  
  
  
“Shut up, mister bottom-of-the-class, I-shit-myself-on-my-first-mission” you sneer.  
  
  
Tomas pales, "Who told you about that" You chuckle, not surprised that he validated the hook you threw at him. Secretly, you’re glad he’s here with you, but there's no more time to continue insulting each other before the titans are upon you.  
  
  
 _Titans._  
  


It was like your body knew what to do before your mind could comprehend the situation. Time seemed to slow down, and you could hear your blood racing in your ears. The titans you’ve imagined so many times before were right in front of you, with huge teeth and disproportioned limbs. But you weren’t afraid. In fact, you couldn’t be more calm. You grip tightens as you shoot yourself forward, twisting in midair before feeling the flesh slicing beneath your blades. No way you could miss. Leaping forward, you scarcely comprehend the dumb expression of the next titan as you maneuver around to the back of its neck. Your aim is dead on. The rest of the titans seem even slower. You let out a sadistic laugh at the clumsy hands that tried to grab at you. When was the last time you laughed and actually meant it? You couldn't remember. They grab at you, but you are too quick for them. Too quick for any titan. You see yourself reflected briefly in their huge eyes as you take flight. Their blood flashes red, you felt it steaming on your face. You were in your element; this is what were meant to do all along.

  
_What can be better than this?_   
  


You slash until everything comes still in front of you. Breathing heavily, you look up to where Tomas was observing you the whole time. Grinning, he raises his arm into the air and fires the green flare.

“Is this report true, Miche?” Erwin is looking over the papers, a summary of the expedition.

“Yes” he says, “Thanks to everyone’s hard work, we were able to complete the mission without any complications.”

Erwin rubs his chin, “The new cadet really defeated four titans on her first try?”

“It’s like I said in the report” Miche responds calmly, “All the details are there.”

“EHHHH?” Hange exclaims. She walks over to read the report over Erwin’s shoulder. “You mean that new recruit that chose to be with the us instead of the MP? Erwin, can I have her next?” she says excitedly.

Erwin says nothing, a thoughtful look on his face. “That’ll be all for today, Miche, Hange, Levi. I’ll look over the rest of these reports and give you more instructions in the morning.”

“Tch”, says the man with blue eyes. “Stop giving them to me, I’m not a fucking babysitter”

Erwin chuckles and settles down to his paperwork as the rest of the captains file out of his office. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo yo yo thanks to everyone who has read this far. I can't believe people "like" what I'm writing? Like I said before, this is my first time writing ANYTHING and I'm just letting myself roll with it at the moment. I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW IF MY WRITING IS SHIT OR NOT SO PLS LET ME KNOW *tea kettle noises. 
> 
> Any of you all kin reader? I know I do. I have a hard time relating to inserts that are the typical "main-character" and spunky so here I present to you: the she-devil, hater of all people (except Nanaba 😉)
> 
> So....yeah. I guess Reader is struggling internally right now (sorry, Reader!) and doesn't even realize it. I was tired of reading so many stories where the characters have no flaws or real struggles. I'm going to try my best to keep the main characters 3D and show both their emotional and mental developments as the story progresses on. 
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading! I'm having run writing this. 
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	3. Pig Piss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW - IMPLICIT REFERENCES TO DEPRESSION

News of the success of your first mission spread rapidly among the Survey Corps. Now, when you entered the barracks or sat down at the mess hall, you were aware of the eyes that would flicker in your direction and the whispers that would take place behind covered mouths.

  
You hated it.

  
You realize now how unusual it is for a new soldier to not piss their pants on their first mission. Most of the other cadets came back from beyond the wall pale and sweaty, a few even with nasty wounds put them out of commission for a while in the medical wing. Not a single one of them so much as scratched a titan. Word that the top ranking soldier from the 102nd regiment, who chose the Survey Corps over the MP, defeated _four_ titans without so much as blinking an eye earned you the respect of the older troops, but more than one jealous side-eye from the members of your own year.

  
Tomas wasn’t helping. He’d bolster your success to anyone who’d listen, dramatizing your kills the best of his abilities. He knew how much it embarrassed you and was loving every minute of it. _They can do what they want,_ you thought to yourself. You knew the chatter would die down in a few days, like everything does eventually. Soon, these people would find something else to obsess over, and you’d fade back into the background, just where you belong.

  
  
You didn’t necessarily hate talking to people, you just weren’t good at it. You always preferred to observe rather than engage. And when people asked you retell what happened that day, your honest answer was that you just applied what you learned in training. _Did they really expect me to be interesting? Well, they’re going to be sorely disappointed._ It didn’t take long for your status as a nobody to change to that of a moody introvert, which suited you just fine. As long as people weren’t talking to you. The effort it took to hold up a conversation for any length of time absolutely drained you. You couldn’t wait for the daylight to disappear so you could go to bed. At least then you could at least pretend to sleep and act like you didn’t hear people whispering and tip toeing around you. _The token bitch of the Scout Regiment,_ you smiled to yourself, _I can live with that._

  
  
You spent a few more days with Squad Miche but avoided unnecessary contact with the other members (Nanaba excluded). You knew you wouldn’t be there for much longer. You take part in a couple more expeditions, each time getting more titan kills under your belt. After your first encounter with them, you no longer feared going beyond the wall. Instead, you felt the pull of it, getting addicted to the sensation of titan flesh falling apart under your blades. The clouds of steam that you left behind wherever you went.   
  
  
On one particular evening, you were sitting at your normal table in the mess hall, absentmindedly spooning soup into your mouth while working on one of your equations in your notebook. You don’t remember a whole lot of your fight against the titans, but you recall how surprised you were when you saw how much gas you ended up using. In a longer fight, especially when you’re out in the open, you could be in major trouble if you didn’t work harder on conserving gas. _Or, how can I manipulate the gas to work harder for me?_ You were musing over this for a while, and think you were close to a solution.

  
“Whoa…. Did you make all of this on your own?!”

  
You nearly jump out of your skin. You’re so used to people ignoring you that the shock of someone sneaking up behind you startles you all that much more. Hange Zoe, one of the craziest brains and craziest overall in the Scouts. A lot of the improvements in anti-titan gear and the knowledge we have of the titans is because of her. While you respected her work from a distance, up close, she made you uncomfortable. Her obsession with titans was a little _too_ unarming. And yet, she was exactly the person you had been thinking about approaching.  
  
  
“Uh, yes” you reply, trying to cover up some of the messier pages in your book and flipping to one covered in neat equations. “There’s actually something I’ve been wanting to show you.”  
  
  
“What is it?” she askes excitedly, eyes round and glistening.   
  
  
“Well…” you start, then give in to her enthusiasm. You briefly go over the mathematics that give your idea substance. This was a woman who could keep up with you. “See this one-way valve here? It would automatically allow the heat from the external environment to raise the temperature inside the cannisters in proportion to how much gas is being used. Then, the remaining particles inside the container can utilize the thermal energy to increase their velocity and make the gas more dynamic” you finish.  
  
  
For a long time, Hange says nothing and stares intently at your notebook. As you silently eat your soup next to her, just to give your hands something to do, she finally grabs your wrist and drags you over to where the other captains are sitting. “MICHE! CAN I BORROW HER?” You see Captain Miche’s pause mid sentence to whatever he was talking about with Moblit, Hange’s assistant commander. Also at the table is Commander Erwin and Captain Levi. Your face flushes furiously and you stare down at your boots as the light blue eyes of Commander Erwin and the deep blue of Captain Levi move to your face. You’ve never wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear more.

  
  
“Don’t you think that question should be directed to me?” Commander Erwin asks her easily, well accustomed to her erraticism. “Why do you want Cadet Reader all of a sudden?”  
  
  
“Look at this, Erwin!” Hange shoves your notebook in his face.  
  
  
“Hange”, Erwin says calmly, “Why don’t you try explaining it in normal people terms?”  
  
  
“Reader has this idea on how to extend the efficiency of the gas containers!” Hange quickly spews your design out to him, “If we start working this evening, we can have a prototype ready in a few days for testing!”  
  
  
Your insides flip flop a little. _A few days? Geez, do these people ever sleep?_ The Commander looks over your notebook a little while longer. Seeing him flip through the pages at some of your rougher sketches makes your insides turn in anxiety. _Those are mine! Keep your greasy hands off my work, old man.  
  
  
_ “Very well,” he finally says, “Cadet, your next assignment is to work Captain Hange at creating this design of yours.”  
  
  
“YES!!!” Hange exclaims, and before you know it, the two of you are bounding down the stairs to her laboratory. Your breath catches slightly as you behold the sight in front of you. Despite being in the basement, it was well lit with lamps and candles scattered on tables covered in loose paper. _I guess no one here cares about the fire danger._ In the corner, there's a tea kettle with small boxes of loose tea leaves and a coffee grinder with beans. What excites you the most is the gear. Pieces of vertical maneuvering equipment is poking haphazardly in boxes, with every tool you’d need to perform any adjustment. You feel your fingers twitch and suddenly your sleepiness retreats a little.  
  
  
“Can I really use all of these?” you ask hesitantly.  
  
  
Hange beams, “Of course! From what I saw, you have the design and mathematics down solid, all we need to do is craft it now. I’ll get started on the blueprints and you…”  
  
  
The night passes in a blur. Then the day. Then the night again. Hange, you find out, probably has more coffee in her body than blood. You survive on cat naps when Hange is out doing miscellaneous tasks with her squad. When you lift the lid of the teapot, you recoil at the stench of old leaves that hits you. Remembering the book over teas that you read once before, you sniff at the loose leaves until you have a rough idea of what flavors might complement one another and brew a fresh pot. It’s not bad, but not your best. You soon get the knack of it though, using endless cups of tea to force your eyes open as you tinker with the gas cannisters.  
  
  
You become so immersed in your work, you don’t notice when the door opens and someone comes in to look around. “Where’s Hange?” you hear a cool voice say to you.  
  
  
You jump again. _Holy fuck, I really need to get better at this or I’m seriously going to piss my pants one of these days._ You almost do, anyways, when you look up to see Captain Levi standing at the doorway. Arms crossed, leaning against the door frame, the flickering torch makes shadows dance threateningly over his face.   
  
  
“Um, she stepped out for a moment to talk to Moblit, I think.” You shift your eyes downwards and wait for him to respond. When he doesn’t, you peek at him again and say, “Do you want me to tell her that you dropped by?”  
  
  
He looks at you and wrinkles his nose, “No, I think I’ll wait here for her to come back. Don’t you guys ever crack a window in here? It reeks.”  
  
  
“Uh… it’s a basement. We don’t have any windows.”  
  
  
He ignores you and sits down at the opposite side of the table, leaning against one of his arms with his legs crossed. This is a man used to not giving a shit, and for that, you respect him just a little.  
  
  
You sit in silence for a moment, shifting uncomfortably and trying to keep your hands busy with some spare parts. You usually love sitting in silence, but something about Captain Levi puts you on edge. “Can I get you anything to drink?” You blurt out, gesturing to the pot of tea you’ve just brewed.  
  
  
Captain Levi scoffs, “I don’t drink that pig piss Hange makes.” He doesn’t even bother to glance at you.  
  
  
“That makes two of us” you mutter under your breath, recalling what you first encountered in the teapot. You wonder how many concoctions she’s tested on Levi to make him deny the offering immediately. _I wonder how deep that frown can go._  
  
  
He hears you, and only then glances over to what you have in your own cup. “This is a blend that I made.” You say softly. You don’t know why, but you feel embarrassed. You’re unsure whether you should offer it to him again, or if that would offend him. Another moment of silence, and he flicks two fingers at you. You take that as permission. Quickly, you head to the corner and pour him a steaming cup, setting it in front of him with a soft _clink_ of the china. The grasps it not from the handle, but rather the top of the rim, blowing on it softly before taking a small sip.  
  
  
You glance at him apprehensively, every bad outcome flashing through your mind at once. _He’s going to hate it and throw it in my face. He’s going to spit it out onto all the blueprints on the table. He’s going to smash the cup on the floor and…_ You watch as his adams apple bobs up and down as he swallows, the way the contractions roll down his neck— _hold up, his neck??? You dumb fuck, Pull yourself together. You’re about to get your ass handed to you by Captain Levi._ Hardly breathing, you wait for his judgement, peering at his face to search for any sign of approval or disgust.  
  
  
Nothing happens. Captain Levi remains silent as he quietly sips his tea. It’s as if you aren’t in the room at all. Deciding that you aren’t in any immediate danger, your attention shifts back down to the work in front of you. You are so close to being done, and you long for the good night sleep that awaits you when you finish.  
  
  
The room is quiet except for the soft tinkling of your tools. After a few minutes, you start to tune out Captain Levi’s presence, the same way you’ve tuned out everyone else you’ve ever met. Even if you occasionally get apprehensive around someone, you quickly return to your baseline of apathy. It’s so draining to have to feel something all the time.   
  
  
  
  
_Levi shoots a glance in Reader's direction. He takes note of the half-drunk cup of tea in front of you, how you let it get cold as you focus on your work. Your fingers are moving quickly, thin and agile, perfect for this kind of detailing. Small, pale scars litter your hands, signs of years of building and deconstruction. He glances up to your face. Your eyes are zeroed in on your work, slightly narrowed in concentration. Your lips are slightly pursed and unmoving. For the first time, he realizes that you have freckles. A loose strand of hair has escaped your messy bun and curls itself in the hollow of your collarbone. The lights from the scattered torches cast a warm glow over your skin._ He looks away.  
  
  
  
  
You don’t know how much time has passed (you have a tendency to zone out and loose track), until you hear Hange’s burst through the door. “Levi!” she calls in happy surprise. _How is anyone ever excited to see him?_ “Do you need something?”  
  
  
“Besides you cleaning up this pigsty?” he snorts. “Erwin wanted me to tell you..,”  
  
  
You keep your head down as the two captains discuss business that's above your pay grade. It makes for interesting background noise, Hange’s loud chatter and Captain Levi’s soft murmurs. You have to admit, when its not insulting you, he has a nice voice, like velvet. _What the hell, velvet?_ Your hands pause for a moment, _you have to stop thinking these things, you daft idiot.  
  
  
_ “Anything else?”  
  
  
“Nope, that’s it.” Levi pushes up from the table and after shooting one last look of disgust around the room, heads out, hands shoved in his pocket as to avoid dirtying his hands unnecessarily. He doesn't look at you again.  
  
  
“Ahh, sorry you had to put up with him for a while” she smiles apologetically, “I know he isn’t the most fun company, but at least it doesn’t get much worse than that. His neutral is most people’s definition of _negative._ Once you get used to it, you learn how to tune it out.” She shrugs. Then, she takes notice of the empty china cup on the table. “Did he drink something while you all were waiting for me?”  
  
  
You hesitate, “Yes, tea. I brewed a pot earlier and offered him some. Is that a bad thing?”  
  
  
Hange’s eyes widen, “He drank the _whole thing?_ ”  
  
  
You peek at the empty cup, eyebrows furrowed in confusion “Seems so.” _Does this man not drink, either?_  
  
  
Hange pauses for a moment, the lets out a deep laugh. “HA! You really must be a genius, Reader.” You wait for her to explain further, but all she does is shake her head and sit down to her work. “Watch out” she winks at you, “Or you might very well become his favorite recruit”. You think about her words for a minute, then shrug them off.  
  
  
“Should’ve just gave him the pig piss you normally brew then.” Whether he likes you or not, you don’t think you’d care either way.  
  
  
Hange’s grin deepens.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Okaaaay, is everyone ready with the new cannisters?” Hange calls out to the member of Squad Levi. As the ones that use ODM gear the most, Hange decided they’d be the best ones to test out the new cannisters. During the past few days, they’ve already run time trials to assess how long the old cannisters lasted, along with changes in speed over time. Now, it’s time to see if the fruits of your labor paid off.  
  
  
It was your first time going to the forest of giant trees. In spite of yourself, you couldn’t help but stare dumbstruck for a moment the greenery towering above you. As always, whenever you’re beyond the walls, you heart feels a little lighter. You don’t realize the small smile that’s on your face.  
  
  
Commander Erwin is present as well, and you make sure to keep a wide circumference around him. You call it the “splash zone”. The members of Squad Levi are on the opposite side of the clearing, talking among themselves. You catch the eye of a kind looking girl with short, light brown hair. _Petra Ral,_ you remember dimly. She smiles at you and it catches you off guard. Most people don't smile when they see you. The trials begin and you diligently take notes, recording times and speeds. The raw data is promising; there is a hefty improvement in the performance once the gas has been around 65% depleted. The results are better than you had hoped, and something pleasant bubbles in your chest.  
  
  
You wait at the last leg of where the squad members are supposed to end, a final dummy titan being their last landmark. One by one, they shoot down from the trees, slicing their way down as they go. Captain Levi lands first, and as you glance up at him, you notice something in the way he holds his blades. You keep staring at it as the rest of the members land beside him. Once the last member is accounted for, he finally notices you staring at him and reaches up to wipe a stray bead of sweat from his forehead.  
  
  
“Oi, brat. What the hell are you staring at?”  
  
  
You walk up to him before you have time to change your mind, ignoring his sharp words and tone and grab his wrist to bring his hand up to your eyes. You've never seen anyone hold the weapon this way, and it made you curious. Your eyes flash over his for the briefest time. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” He voice is icy cold. His grip tightens, but he doesn’t pull away yet. He gives you his most menacing glare, but you're already looking at the way the curves of the handle fit now that he's holding it backwards.   
  
  
“Captain Levi, do you always hold your blades this way?”   
  
  
He hesitates, “Yes, what’s it to you?” His eyes never leave your face, and when you glance up at him, you notice that your stomach doesn't lurch as much as it normally does. _Hange was right, his negativity becomes progressively easier to tune out._ You smile inwardly, a small triumph for yourself. The deep blue eyes still stir something inside of you, but it wasn't fear or apprehension anymore. You decide to put it out of your mind for now.   
  
  
“Nothing” you mutter, letting his arm drop and quickly scribbling an idea in your notebook. _Humanity's strongest soldier_ you hum to yourself, already retreated back to the safety of your own thoughts. _Handles, striking angle, the force when you use the abductor muscles instead of the extensors..._  
  
  
He stares down at you for the briefest moment. “Tch. Maybe if you spent more time doing what you’re supposed to and less time grinning like an idiot about some trees you’d have noticed it earlier” he mutters, heading back to where his horse is tied up. The rest of his squad follows close behind.   
  
  
You turn and walk back to where Hange and Commander Erwin are talking, leaving the member of Squad Levi looking curiously back and forth between the two of you at the exchange. Not many people have the guts to just walk up to their captain so nonchalantly.

_Wait a second,_ you pause, _did I smile earlier?_ You glance over your shoulder to where the dark green cape is disappearing around a giant tree trunk.  
  
  
You think about his words once again as you ride back to the Survey headquarters. You think about them a second time as you see him across the room from you in the mess hall. You think about them again as you’re lying in bed, waiting for your well-earned sleep to take you.  
  
  
It takes longer than you’d like. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all tired of the long exposition yet? I told you, I'm a sucker for the details. Also I'm a NERD (deal with it). 
> 
> As always, if you've read this far, a big thank you. I'm still just rolling with the flow right now and letting my ideas come to life. I PROMISE more romance/fluff/seggsy timezz are coming. Reader and Levi are more than just sex machines, they have feelings™ too.
> 
> Do you all like the little sections of Levi's POV? Let me know if you'd like more/less of the in the comments. And sorry not sorry for the Erwin slander.
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	4. Pawn

With the green light from Commander Erwin, you and Hange head into the city to begin working with the military engineers in the mass production the new cannisters. You enjoy these days, immersed in your work. You sometimes think about how your dad would be proud of you.  
  
  
When its time for the first shipment to roll out, you open a box to double-check that every piece is in place as it should be. But it isn’t. You frown and squint at one of the screws on the valve. _This isn’t what we told them to use._ The screw is made of a weaker material and provides less support. Not only would it mean that it wouldn’t function as efficiently, it would also be prone to breaking, which would cause an explosion devastating to the person using the gear.  
  
  
“Hold on” you tell the movers. You look for the head of quality inspection and shove the cannister in his face, interrupting whatever conversation he was having. “This isn’t what we agreed on. I’m afraid none of these cannisters are going to work. I get that this piece is the more standard use and widely available, but it’ll hurt our soldiers in the long run. You’ll have to remake all of them according to the designs we’ve shared with you.”  
  
  
“Now little lady,” the burly man looks down at you, “We’ve been over this with the military engineers and they have assured us that this will work just as well. It was the only solution to stay under budget. Stop causing a ruckus and get back to getting your head eaten or whatever it is you Scouts do.” They laugh and leave you fuming. _Those absolute cows. They dare slander my design with their subpar execution? No engineer worth their shit would approve of this._ _  
  
  
_No matter how many trails you follow, you can’t seem to find the person responsible for the mistake. The endless circles you chase frustrate you to no end, and by the end of the day, you stare dejectedly as the last of the shitty cannisters are loaded and make their way to who knows where. Your stomach drops. _These are going to malfunction, and it’ll be my fault._ Your ball your fist around the paper that contains all the lot numbers of the defective cannisters, so you can track them later. A new shipment wouldn’t go out for a while, and until then, you’re going to do everything you can to make sure no malfunctions happen.  
  
  
You sit with your back against the wall, knees bent and your head lowered. You close your eyes, trying to pull together enough strength to figure out what to do next. That’s when you hear voices coming from around the corner, inside the factory.  
  
  
“Good job getting all of those out today” a whispery voice says.  
  
  
You recognize the burly man you spoke to earlier reply, “No problem, sir.”  
  
  
“Any complications?”  
  
  
“Nothing major. One fussy cadet, but we made sure to take care of her. Even if she tries to open her mouth to someone, she has no proof. Also, you’ll have a hard time finding someone that’ll take someone like her seriously.” They laugh. _  
  
_  
_Someone like her?_ Your blood boils. If it weren't for your desire to gleam more information from them, you would have drop kicked them right then and there.   
  
  
“Excellent, and the profit?”  
  
  
“Not bad, 17%”  
  
  
An icy chill sets over you as you realize what has happened. _These mother fuckers._ You peer around the corner, staying low to the cold ground as you try and catch a glimpse of the greedy animals that ruined your perfect design. You once again see the burly man who was in charge of quality inspection. His partner is an older man. He is facing away from you and you can’t see his face, but he is wearing one of the military engineer uniforms and is balding on the top.  
  
  
The burly man clears his throat, “Normal method of payment, I assume?”  
  
  
“Not this time. I think the Garrison are catching onto us. My boss will rendezvous directly with yours at the upcoming military gala. No one will suspect anything then. Talk to him directly for your cut.” With that, the two men disappear further into the factory.  
  
  
Once they are out of sight, you run to where Turnip is waiting for you and immediately set off to headquarters, replaying the exchange in your head so as not to forget a single detail. You quickly return Turnip to his stall and toss him an apple, giving him a kiss on his nose and promising to return later to tease out some of the knots that had formed. You run to the top floor where Commander Erwin’s office is and take a moment to catch your breathe before knocking on the door.  
  
  
“Come in” you hear his deep voice call.  
  
  
You take a deep breath and swing the door open. “Commander Erwin” you salute, “I—oh! Captain Hange, it’s good you’re here too, I have something to report about the production of the new cannisters.” You say breathlessly, inwardly cursing yourself at how disheveled you probably look. You wipe a drop of sweat from your forehead and return your hand to its position.  
  
  
They look at you expectantly, waiting for you to continue. You swallow, your throat suddenly dry as you look around the room. Captain Miche and Captain Levi are there, too. _Jeezus, don’t these guys ever do anything on their own? Are they obsessed with the Commander or something?_ You’re even more aware of yourself then and feel the tops of your ears flush. It’s _very_ unlike you to talk on your own accord, and here you are speaking to the top soldiers of the Survey Corps.  
  
  
Stumbling over your words, you report everything that you learned that day. Speaking, in general, was never your strong suit. You hate how you can feel your face get more and more red as your report goes on, a result of not being able to catch your breathe and the unease you feel with the four sets of eyes on you. _Once this is over, I’m never talking again_ you promise yourself. You manage to bite your tongue twice, and each time you’re acutely aware of Captain Levi snickering at you out of the corner of your eye. You flush a deeper shade of red and keep your eyes glued to Commander Erwin’s desk. It seems like an eternity, but the few minutes it takes for you to recount everything finally finishes. You step forward to place the piece of paper with all the lot numbers onto Commander Erwin’s desk, before retreating back to the safety beyond the splash zone.  
  
  
They’re all silent for a few moments, waiting for Commander Erwin’s decision on how to proceed. Your heart starts racing at how silly this could all seem. A first year recruit addressing the commander of the Scouts about an exploitation cover-up in the highest branches of the military, with nothing but a testimony and a scrap of paper to show for it. _You’ll have a hard time finding someone that’ll take someone like her seriously,_ the words echo in your mind and you try to swallow again, but your throat is bone-dry.  
  
  
The Commander finally pushes back from his desk and walks over to a side table where a jug of water sits. Slowly, he pours a glass and walks over, holding it out to you. _He's in the splash zone!_ You stare at him blankly and take the cup, not knowing if you should be thankful or afraid.  
  
  
“Good job today, Reader.” He says, and you know he means it. Relief pulses through you.   
  
  
“So, you believe me?” you ask meekly. Your vice sounds pathetic even to you and you quickly take a sip of water.  
  
  
He lifts his perfectly sculpted eyebrows at you. _He definitely gets those done_ the thought distracts you. _No! Focus!_ “Of course, cadet. You’re the one who has the most to lose if something bad happens.” you feel your legs get shaky. “After all, this was your idea, your design, and you were the one responsible for the execution.” He goes on calmly, returning to his desk and folding his hands. “If anything goes wrong, the blame will most likely be pinned on you.”   
  
  
You feel lightheaded. _There's no way they can blame this all on me._ But deep down, you know they can. You're still barely graduated and so green it hurts. They can get rid of you as easily as a lamb brought to slaughter. _  
  
  
_You open your mouth to try and defend yourself, but he holds up a hand and continues. “So yes, I believe you, since I don’t take you for one who wants to live out the rest of their days in MP prison.”  
  
  
“Erwin” Captain Miche cuts in. He sees how pale you’ve become and comes to your rescue before you can completely pass out. “What are we going to do? If this is true, then this could potentially affect all branches of the military, since everyone use ODM gear.”  
  
  
Commander Erwin looks you straight in the eyes. At this point, you’re too depressed to feel anything but dejected as you sadly meet his gaze. “Reader, have you ever been to a military gala before?”  
  
  
  
You had heard tales of how risky Commander Erwin’s plans are, how he always gambles double or nothing. Now, you were a pawn in another one of his chess games. As a virtually unknown member of the Scouts, he decided that you’d be perfect for undercover work at the upcoming gala, which _of course_ he is expected to attend. Besides you, Captains Miche and Levi, along with a few members of Miche’s squad, would be present. The squad members would make rounds around the ballroom and take turns sneaking around the mansion where the gala was being held, discretely reporting to the captains any information they’d found. The captains would then decide the best course of action. The goal was to find the identity of the corruption, even if that meant trapping him or her later.  
  
  
 _A fucking gala? There's absolutely no way. I'll quit before they make me do something like this._ “Um, Commander Erwin, are you sure you want me to be part of this mission? I don’t think I’m cut out for this kind of work. I'll probably end up just drawing more attention to myself and blow the whole thing.” you mumble.   
  
  
His laugh is completely devoid of humor, “What are you talking about, Reader? You proved yourself today that you’re more than capable of doing what we need. Besides, this is _your_ problem after all, and I expect you to see it to the end. Understood?”  
  
  
The panic starts to set in “But—”  
  
  
“Understood?” It wasn’t a question.  
  
  
Your hear sinks to the deepest pits of your belly. “Roger” you mutter, shifting your feet uncomfortably.  
  
  
He looks at you questioningly, “Is there anything else you need?” your dismissal was clear enough.  
  
  
You close your eyes and swallow your last ounce of pride. _I’m definitely going to cry about this later._ “I’m afraid I don’t have anything appropriate to wear to a military gala, sir.” You blurt out. You have never felt so embarrassed before.  
  
  
They stare blankly at you for a second, and then Captain Miche looses it. He roars with laughter as you stand there, beet faced. The Commander has more decency, but even you can tell he’s suppressing a chuckle as Hange rushes over you to give you a hug, stroking your hair as if you were a little kid that needed comforting. If you had a blade with you, you’d slit your throat right then and there.  
  
  
Commander Erwin coughs, “Hange, can you take her to find something? Since this is an official mission, you can charge it to the Survey Corps account” She nods violently and leads you out of the room, speaking comforting words to you all the while. Captain Miche follows you out, trying to shout something supportive at you but losing it every time. Once you’re safely out of earshot you turn to face her, tears of embarrassment, anger, and humiliation brimming in your eyes. This day had gone from bad to worse to total shit-show.  
  
  
“Did that really just happen?”  
  
  
“Shhhh, don’t think about it. Let’s just go find you something pretty to wear. I know Erwin's account info, we can charge it to him instead. I'll make sure to get you the most expensive one....”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Back in the Commander’s office, Erwin sets to work drafting all the possibilities for his new plan. Levi is leaning against a bookshelf, his foot propped up and arms crossed.  
  
“Always one step ahead, aren’t you Erwin”  
  
“What do you mean by that, Levi?” he responds calmly, not looking up from his work.   
  
The shorter of the two walks over to the desk, placing his hands on it and leaning forward toward his commander. “I mean” he says in a flat voice, “You know damn well that there’s been issues in the military engineers for a while, and that the MP are the ones most likely behind it.” When Erwin doesn’t respond, he continues, “That also means that even if you work with the Garrison to catch the culprit, you’re likely just cutting the tail off the dragon. That’s why you went ahead and rushed the production of these new cannisters and overlooked the fudged numbers in the account books. You knew this opportunity would be too tempting for them to pass up. Besides, a new cadet eager to prove herself? She makes the perfect sacrifice later should you need one." he leans back, point being made, "I can’t believe how stupid this one is.”  
  
Erwin remains quiet for a while, before looking up at Levi. “That’s my job, Levi. I’ll always be one step ahead of them. If one person needs to be sacrificed for the safety of the rest of my scouts, so be it.”  
  
Satisfied with his answer, Levi turns to leave. “As always, I trust your judgement, Erwin. This plan of yours better work.”  
  
Erwin raises an eyebrow, “Why so attached to this one, Levi? Don’t tell me that you also want to have Reader become a permanent member of your squad. Hange and Miche have been bugging me nonstop to assign her to them.”  
  
Levi pauses in the doorway, he hadn’t considered it before. A memory flickers behind his eyes. _The aroma of well-brewed tea; the taste of it on his tongue; the way the firelight illuminated her skin and the agility of those pale, slim fingers._ It leaves just as quickly. “Do what you want” he snaps.  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand the Erwin slander continues. This will be a recurring theme so hope you like it hehehe. 
> 
> Sorry if Reader is low-key depressing, I kinda have a thing for self deprecation as a coping mechanism. 
> 
> Do I spy Levi showing a little ~interest~ for another human being for once? Stay tuned. 
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	5. In Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: IMPLICIT REFERENCES TO DEPRESSION

You can’t stop fidgeting with the sleeves of your dress as you keep your eyes peeled for any suspicious movements from the suits and gowns in front of you. The military gala is even more dreary and painstaking than you imagined. To make things worse, you have to be present for it all in this ridiculous getup.  
  
  
Hange had a field day playing dress up with you, eventually settling on a royal blue satin dress that rippled around you as you walked, silver heels, and small pair of pearl earrings. Bobby pins stab your head uncomfortably and you rip a few more curls out to lessen the headache they give you. They fall softly around your slim neck and shoulders.  
  
  
“You clean up nicely” Tomas says softly behind you. You glance at him and he smirks. It’s pretty weird seeing the other undercover cadets in anything besides the standard uniform. Some of them pull off the getup better than others, you notice.  
  
  
“Thank you, it would have been nice if got the memo as well.” You one-over him and tsk disapprovingly at his attire.  
  
  
“Ha! You couldn’t pull a guy like me in a million years.” You roll your eyes at him. “None of the other have uncovered anything suspicious so far in the north or east wings; it’s your turn next to scout out the west wing.”  
  
  
You glance at the ballroom floor and quickly do a head count to make sure all the members of the undercover mission are accounted for. You spot Captain Miche easily, then number off the members of his squad. Commander Erwin is making his rounds talking to all the higher-ups. It takes you a while to find Captain Levi, _always tough to spot the short one in a crowd._ His suit jacket fits him well. _Has his shoulders always been that wide?_ You shake your head and bring your focus back to mission.  
  
  
Somewhat reluctantly, you place your plate of sweets and cakes down and slowly melt into the background, heading down the hallway and ducking up a stairwell, heading down to the west wing. You had been over the layout of the mansion where the gala was being held numerous times and easily begin slipping in and out of rooms, looking for anything or anyone suspicious. You glance at a clock on the wall, _9:53, I’ll be done sooner than I thought._ You were just finishing up in one of the last rooms when you hear voices trickling in from the hallways. You start to panic. There’s no reason for you, a guest, to be wandering around the mansion on your own, especially in the dark. The room is large and spacious, with limited hiding options. You duck behind a long curtain and press yourself against the window just as the door creaks open.  
  
  
“You have to be more careful” a man hisses in an aggravated tone, “If you keep pulling this stunt too often, you’ll get us both caught. You’re being reckless”  
  
  
“Relax…” this time, it’s a woman’s voice that croons back. “If those idiots haven’t realized by now that we’re robbing them right under their noses, they never will.”  
  
  
Your eyes widen. _Its them._  
  
  
“The Garrison is beginning to suspect something is going on” the man says quickly, “Someone found a discrepancy between the budget they gave us and the material purchase orders made by the military engineers. That money was never accounted for and now they’re looking deeper and deeper for the similar unbalances.”  
  
  
“I told you before” the woman says sharply, “If they ever think they actually found something, the MP will take care of it.”  
  
  
“But people could get injured. I think you picked a really bad one this time. It’s not like the ones we’ve run in the past. We don’t know how the defective equipment will perform overtime. I told you, I don’t want anyone to die again.”  
  
  
_Again?_ You strain your ears to hear more. The curtain blocks your vision and you’re breathing as shallowly as you can to avoid making any noise or movements.  
  
  
The woman scoffs. You hear her walk towards the other end of the room and see a flash of light purple from her dress. “I told you, no one suspected anything from that explosion. Besides, how many years has it been now? Everyone forgotten about it, and so should you. Your job is to tweak the designs from the jobs I give you, not to question me.”  
  
  
“But—”  
  
  
“Oh please, don’t act all high and mighty now. You’ve been stuffing your pockets for years from the cuts _you’ve_ decided to make.”  
  
  
“Mass producing faulty equipment for _soldiers_ that could potentially get them injured or worse against the battle against titans is a whole different ballgame than two engineers dead from an explosion that we covered up as a machinery error.”  
  
  
Your stomach drops and your blood turn to ice. _Two engineers that died in an explosion…No, it couldn’t possibly be..._  
  
  
The woman’s voice hardens, “If I remember correctly, what saved your ass was my clever thinking of sending rather large consolatory sums to the families of those engineers. Although luckily it was just an old widow for one and an orphan for the other.”  
  
  
You struggle to control your breathing, hot tears forming at the corner of your eyes. Whatever scheme they’ve been playing, it wasn’t just something they were trying to pull on you. They’ve been doing it for _years_ and getting away with it. The woman must have been leaking budget information from the MP to the man in the military engineering department. He, in turn, adjusts the design to make a cheaper product, and the two of them split the profit. You thought it was strange when the MP gave you money after your father’s death. Now, you realize, it was to keep you from asking anymore questions. He must was a victim to one of their plans gone wrong, and now the same thing is happening to you. _I won’t let them get away with this._ Back then, you were nothing but a snotty little kid, crying for days after your father died. Now, you were a soldier, a _titan killer_. You faced those devils and survived. Humans were nothing compared to them. The resolve steels your nerves and you inch towards the edge of the curtain, hoping to see what the two of them look like.  
  
  
The man snorts, “Well, you better think of a better plan, because I don’t think the MP has enough in their budget to send care packages to every soldier’s family who—”  
  
  
He cuts off suddenly. You crane your neck to try and catch any sign of movement that you can, but the two of them have gone silent. You hear the clang of brass as something gets pulled from nearby the fireplace, followed by high heels clicking around the room. They grow louder. Even louder. You hold your breath and look down to see a pair of shoes from under the curtain, inches from yours.  
  
  
_Fuck._  
  
  
The curtain is pulled back and you see a pair of dark grey eyes and the flash of the brass fireplace stoker glisten in the firelight. Before you have time to think, she strikes a hard blow on side of your head and you crumple.  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Your eyelids flutter open and you immediately squeeze them shut again. Your head is throbbing and the pain is so intense, you feel like its about to explode. A finger twitches before your eyes, _is that mine?_ You will it to twitch again and it does. A hazy memory of voices fills your ears and you struggle to focus on what they are saying. _What am I doing here?_ You drag yourself up, the whole time aware of the splitting pain that’s clouding the rest of your thoughts. _I need to get out of here and find one of the Captains._ You know what you have to do, but your body won’t listen to you. You stare at a clock until the hands stop moving. _10:13, I was supposed to be back nearly 15 minutes ago._  
  
  
You take a few moments to calm yourself and get your thoughts together, the whole while fighting the waves of pain that threaten to take over and send you into a spiral of incoherency. Somehow, you stumble back down the corridor until you reach the stairs that will take you down to the main ballroom. “Shit” you spit through your teeth. You grab the handrail and lean your whole weight on it as you maneuver down the steps. _Fucking heels, whose genius idea was it to put a soldier in these? I’m definitely getting back at Hange.  
  
  
_The music that drifts from down below is earsplitting and you close your eyes again as you fight down a wave of nausea. Big mistake. They fly back open as you feel yourself falling down the last few stairs and see the ground flying up towards you.  
  
  
“Where the hell have you been?” a voice hisses angrily in your ear. A hand closes around your arm in an iron grip, yanking you up. Your back bumps against a strong chest. _Captain Levi._ Relief seeps through you, _he’ll know what to do, I can leave it to him._  
  
  
“Captain” you whirl around too quickly to face him and would have fallen again if not for the arm that shot out to steady your waist. Only then does Captain Levi notice the condition you’re in. His eyes widen when he sees the blood trickling down the side of your head and neck, the pain and urgency in your eyes. He doesn’t need anything else.  
  
  
Glancing around to make sure no one notices the two of you, he half leads, half drags you through an open door onto a deserted balcony at the back of the mansion. He pulls you around so that you’re face to face. With the heels on, you’re almost at eye level. _Maybe I’ll let Hange slide for this one after all…_ You can’t seem to get him into focus. “Captain Levi, can you stop moving please?” you mutter, still feeling like you could hurl at any minute.  
  
  
“You’re a fucking mess, what the hell happened?” he asks you quickly.  
  
  
_What did happen?_ You think to yourself. Your face scrunches as you try to remember the conversation you heard. Slowly, you recall the it to him in bits as pieces return to you, gradually speeding up as the full picture comes into focus.  
  
  
“They’ve been doing this for years” you tell him quickly, “and the MP have been covering their asses the whole time. All the way back from when my father—” Your stomach drops as you remember. _My father._ You squeeze your eyes shut as a new wave of pain rolls over you. You can deal with physical or mental pain on their own, having the worst of both engulf you at the same time is almost too much.  
  
  
Captain Levi looks at you silently, his dark blue eyes emotionless as he watches you struggle. Wordlessly, he pulls you behind a column and sits you down, crouching in front of you. “Listen, I need you tell me everything you remember about that woman. Do you remember seeing her anywhere else tonight?”  
  
  
His words seem far away. You’re racked with grief at the revelation of the true circumstances of your father’s death. That he was nothing but a casualty in someone’s greedy exploitation. You feel your chest tighten.  
  
  
“Listen!” Captain Levi says to you, more seriously this time. “Look at me, alright? I need you to focus on me right now.” He shakes your arms.  
  
  
The grief you feel is overwhelming, but your force yourself to look into his deep blue eyes. In the moonlight, they seem even clearer. You breathe catches as you choke back sob and you try to focus on nothing but those eyes staring back at you intently, grounding yourself in them.  
  
  
“What do you remember about that woman? We need to find her _tonight_ , or it’s your ass on the chopping block, got it?”  
  
  
Your heart skips a beat. _Don't want that._ You keep looking at him as you rack your brain. _Where else did I see her tonight?_ When you weren’t snooping, you had been quietly observing the other participants, trying for once to remember every face around you in case you needed to recall it later. _Grey eyes, light purple dress…_ You zero in on the memory of her across the ballroom and she comes into focus. “It’s a woman who looks to be in her late thirties wearing a light purple. She has grey eyes and short blonde hair, and she’s wearing a necklace with alternating pearls and rubies.”  
  
  
His eyes flash in approval. “Well done. Stay put for right now, not that you’re in any condition to move anywhere on your own. Someone will be back for you soon.” He gets up to leave and you lean your head back against the cold pillar, shutting your eyes and trying to quell the throbbing in your head. A tear escapes down your cheek. You don’t hear him leave and squint your eyes open to look up at him. He holds a handkerchief out to you. “Hold this against that wound on your head.” You reach out to take it, and your fingertips brush each other’s briefly. The second you grab it, he turns and leaves and you close your eyes once again.  
  
  
  
  
“Hey, Reader, wake up!” You feel Nanaba’s hand softly shaking your shoulder and look up at her. Captain Miche is standing above you too, arms crossed. The pain in your head isn’t as debilitating anymore, more of a dull throbbing that makes you feel like you’re swimming in molasses.  
  
  
You take her outstretched hand and get to your feet. “What happened?”  
  
  
Captain Miche responds, “Levi told us what happened. We found the woman pretty quickly and made a plan to ambush her. She had no idea we were onto her and came with us peacefully after we cornered her. Erwin and Levi are questioning her at headquarters right now.” He looks at the nasty condition you’re in. “I would say good work today, but you look like a piece of shit, Reader.”  
  
  
“Really? I’ve never felt better” you grunt, “What now? Does Commander Erwin want us to report to him tonight or are we headed back to the barracks for now?” you ask.  
  
  
“ _We_ ” Nanaba emphasizes, “are headed nowhere. _You_ are getting sent to the hospital wing to get evaluated. Once the doctors deem you fit to return to service, then you can come give Commander Erwin your report.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You spend the next two days in bed recovering. The doctors said you had a minor concussion and had three stitches placed in your head where you were struck. When they discharged you, you were ordered to report straight to Commander Erwin’s office  
  
  
“Enter” the voice booms after you knock on the wooden door. You let yourself in, accustomed to the sight of the Commander at his desk and Captain Levi standing close behind. You salute them both.  
  
  
“Well, Reader, you’ve proved yourself once again.” Commander Erwin says to you. You remain quiet as he continues, “Thanks to the woman you identified, we were able to bring in the people who were responsible for the machinery defects, in both the MP and engineering units. She cracked pretty easily when we threatened to hold her responsible for the whole spiderweb. I heard most of what happened from Levi, but I still need your full report now that you’re mentally alert again.”  
  
  
You’ve been rehearsing this retelling during all those hours spent in the hospital bed, swearing to not bite your tongue this time. You take a deep breath and give your report clearly from start to finish. This time, you look at Commander Erwin in the eyes when you’re speaking to him.  
  
  
“Excellent, that pretty much wraps up everything we need from you. You can return to HQ for now to await your next assignment. Well done, Cadet.”  
  
  
You’re a little put-off at how curt this man could be. First, he threatens you instead of trying to protect you as a member of the Survey Corps, and when when you successfully complete the mission—at great personal and physical expense—barely a word of acknowledgement? “Thank you, sir” _old fart_. You salute him once again and turn to leave. But at the doorway, you pause and turn back. “Commander Erwin, sir. May I ask you a question before I go?”  
  
  
He raises an eyebrow at you, giving you permission to go on.  
  
  
You steel yourself. You keep your eyes fixed on the Commander, knowing something about the blue eyes behind him could unravel you in this delicate moment “Was it confirmed that the explosion that killed my father was a result of that woman’s actions?”  
  
  
The Commander doesn’t hesitate to respond “Yes, Cadet. We confirmed it”  
  
  
You give him a small smile, “Thank you, Commander.”  
  
  
  
  
  
Instead of returning to the female barracks, you head over to the stables, unable to muster up the energy to face another human being right now. Grabbing the brush, you let yourself into Turnip’s stall, who aggressively nuzzles the insides of your jacket looking for an apple. You try and force yourself to smile at him, but it doesn’t come. “Sorry, buddy, I’m empty handed today.” You sit down and begin pulling the brush through his already smooth mane. Up and down, up and down, up and down. Turnip looks at you calmly as hot tears start rolling down your cheeks. You shove your face in his neck to muffle your sobs are the weight of the world crashes down on your shoulders. _I killed one parent by being born. I’m a part of the institution that killed the other._ The irony was almost too rich, like the ultimate gotcha card that the universe was saving for you. _I deserve to be eaten by a titan._ The thought consumes the rest of your day. It’s the last thing you think before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooo didn't see that coming, did ya? I hope you like the story so far! Since I wanted to keep Reader in the concussiony state of mind, I decided to write a Levi POV chapter to parallel this for some added juicy bits and feels. 
> 
> The main story and relationship between Levi and Reader will really pick up from here. I hope the long exposition helped the characters feel more relatable and human. 
> 
> As always, let me know in the comments down below if you liked this chapter!
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	6. By Starlight (Levi POV of Ch. 5)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief recount of the previous chapter told by Levi's POV.

It was 10:03, and Reader was late. Levi glances at the watch on his wrist and exchanges a glance with Miche across the ballroom. The last member of his squad had already left to investigate the final wing of the mansion, and you all were running out of time to complete the mission and find the personal responsible for the embezzlement. He glances at Erwin, who is too caught up in his conversation with Commander Pyxis to notice.  
  
  
“Tch.” Levi walks over to Miche. “Why isn’t that brat back yet?”  
  
  
“You know as much as I do, Levi. If she’s not back in ten more minutes, I’ll send Tomas to go look for her.”  
  
  
Levi says nothing, but wanders around the outskirts of the ballroom, avoiding people the best he could. He hated fancy events like these. It was a waste of taxpayer’s money, and most of it got wasted in the end. He wrinkles his nose at a plate of sweet and cakes left barely touched on a table.  
  
  
The minutes tick by and still no sign of the new Cadet. Levi is getting irritated. He leans back along the stairwell that leads to the west wing, looking out for anyone entering or exiting. A flurry of blue suddenly flashes past and he shoots an arm out to catch the young soldier from falling.  
  
  
“Where the hell have you been?” Levi hisses angrily, yanking her up so that his lips are right next to her ear. She wore perfume tonight, and Levi can smell the fresh scent of peonies.   
  
  
She whips around and he grabs her again to keep her from falling. His slim fingertips fit perfectly around the small angle of her waist. “Captain” she looks up at him with teary eyes full of relief. He immediately notices the blood that causes her curls to stick to the side of her head. Her normally olive skill looks pale and he can feel a cold sweat under her dress. The irritation in him is replaced by anger. He drags her around to the back of the mansion and turns to face her. In heels, she’s as clumsy as a newborn deer. “You’re a fucking mess, what the hell happened?”  
  
  
Her face scrunches as she thinks, freckles wrinkling in concentration. He looks at her wound again. Blood is still falling slowly down the side of her head. A drop lands on the edge of his sleeve, but he doesn’t let her go.  
  
  
Slowly at first, Reader tells him what she discovered. His eyes narrow as Erwin’s suspicions get confirmed. _Always one step ahead._ “and the MP have been covering their asses the whole time” she’s rattling on breathlessly now, “All the way back from when my father—” Something in her face changes then and she pales even more. Her eyes shut.  
  
  
_Don’t pass out on me._ He sits her down and crouches in front of her. The blue satin is shimmering in the moonlight, the same color as his eyes. He brings his face close enough to herd to see long shadows of her eyelashes over her face. Levi shakes her arms, “Listen! Look at me, alright? I need you to focus on me right now.”  
  
  
Her warm brown blink slowly open at him. In them he sees grief and loneliness on such a level that something in his chest lurches. He calms himself down and holds her gaze firmly. The mission still needs to be finished and for that to happen, he needs to get the information out of her any way possible. “What do you remember about that woman? We need to find her _tonight_ , or it’s your ass on the chopping block, got it?”  
  
  
Recognition flashes in her eyes. Levi felt a twinge of guilt having to threaten her again. It was true, she didn’t do a single thing out of line, and yet Erwin was using her good intentions as a means to forward his own agenda. Levi was used to the Commander’s merciless tactics, but it seemed a little too unfair this time around.  
  
  
But it got results. Reader describes the woman and Levi makes a mental picture of her. “Well done” he murmurs, genuinely impressed that she managed to hold herself together so well despite most likely having a concussion. “Stay put for now, not that you’re in any condition to move anywhere on your own. Someone will be back for you soon.” He felt uneasy leaving her here, but he had to talk to Miche and Erwin as soon as possible. He starts to head out, but turns to take one last look at Reader under the moonlight. Her eyes are closed again and she’s leaning her head back. Blood is still flowing down her exposed neck and jawline, dirtying the smooth skin.  
  
  
He digs a hand into his jacket pocket and pulls out his handkerchief. “Hold this against that wound on your head.” She reaches out a hand and he sees again the pale scars that cut into her fingers and palm. Still, her fingertips are smooth and warm as they brush his. He doesn’t allow himself to linger any longer and sets off to find Miche.  
  
  
Back in the ballroom, the scouts are huddled discretely, the last member returned finding nothing. They look up at him as he approaches and he calmly tells them everything Reader discovered. “Tomas, go find Erwin and update him. Miche and I will find this woman.”  
  
  
She’s not difficult to spot. The detail Reader gave about the diamond and ruby necklace sets her apart from the rest. They watch her for a while until they’re sure she doesn’t have any dangerous partners in the immediate area.  
  
  
“Nanaba, follow her into the restroom and make sure she doesn’t try to escape that way. Levi and I will be waiting for her when she comes out.” Miche tells her.  
  
  
“Roger”  
  
  
“Captain Miche” Tomas returns. “Commander Erwin is waiting out the east entrance with some members of the Garrison, ready to take her back to headquarters for questioning once you detain her.”  
  
  
“Let’s get it done.”  
  
  
  
  
  
She knows her cover is blown immediately when she sees humanity’s number one and two waiting for her. Levi puts her in handcuffs as they quickly head down a side hallway to where Erwin is waiting. “You fucking Scouts. You’re no better than roaches. One dies, and another one crawls in to take its place” she spits. “I knew I should have bashed that bitch’s head in until her brains were decorating the carpet.”  
  
  
Levi pulls the handcuffs even tighter and she yelps in pain. “Shut up, old hag.” He kicks her into the carriage and turns to Miche. “Reader is in the back of the mansion on an empty balcony. Take her to the medical wing and make sure she’s okay. She probably just has a concussion but make sure they evaluate her thoroughly.”  
  
  
“Got it” Nanaba says to him and heads out, Miche in tow.  
  
  
Back at headquarters, the woman quickly reveals her whole spiderweb after a little threatening from Erwin. After just a day, most of the people responsible have been arrested. The defective cannisters are recalled and the proper designs are sent to the engineers.  
  
  
“Well, well, well, looks like another one of your gambles paid off, Erwin.” Levi snorts, “All it took was the slander of potentially one of your cleverest soldiers and her head almost being bashed in.”  
  
  
Erwin glances at him, “I did what I had to do for the Scouts to survive another day. All of us in the Survey Corps have to face obstacles if we want to climb, and Reader managed to prove herself once again.”  
  
  
Levi’s eyes narrow at him, “What the hell are you saying. Were you sizing her up this entire time, not caring if she got killed?”  
  
  
“I gave her the opportunity to show her value to the Scouts properly.” Erwin turns his attention back to his paperwork, having the squad assignments of the new recruits close to completion.  
  
  
The two men look up at the sound of knocking.  
  
  
“Enter”  
  
  
Levi stares at Reader as she walks in. She looks almost back to normal, the only thing out of place is a bandage around her head hiding the stitches that sit on the side of her temple. She gives her full report to Erwin without biting her tongue once, to Levi’s disappointment. She’s looking at Erwin in the eyes this time, too, and somehow managed to keep her face from turning tomato red. Once she finishes, she starts to head out but pauses at the doorway, “Commander Erwin, was it confirmed that the explosion that killed my father was a result of that woman’s actions?”  
  
  
They had confirmed this early in the investigation when they were looking into how long the cover-up had been going on. One of the earliest had been the explosion that killed Reader’s father; after that, the assailants were more careful to not so much attention to their misgivings.  
  
  
“Yes Cadet. We confirmed it.”  
  
  
She gives a courteous smile, but the emotion in her eyes doesn’t match, “Thank you, Commander.”  
  
  
  
  
  
Levi leans against the back of the stables, smoking. He takes a long drag on the cigarette before tapping a few ashes onto the dirt, careful to not let the wind blow any onto his clean, white pants. He closes his eyes and allows himself to relax for a few moments, trying to block out Hange’s screaming he can hear in the distance. Once he’s finished, he rubs the cigarette butt into the dirt with the toe of his boot, walking around to the front of the stable and looking for the grooming brush. It’s not there. Frowning, he puts his hand on the gate, ready to abuse whoever is using it. At the sound of sniffling, he pauses. Levi stands there for a minute, then lets out a long sigh. He leans back against the gate and props his foot up, arms crossed in front of him. When a group of first years look to enter, he glares at them and they scatter. With the sounds of Reader’s muffled cries in the background, he watches the stars start to appear in the retreating sunlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this! I was never planning on doing a Levi POV chapter, but I felt like something was missing from the previous chapter. Also, I wanted to show how the way people perceive themselves is often more severe than how the rest of the world sees them.  
> This is still the first thing I've EVER written, so I'm not very confident if it's half way decent or not. As always, please let me know in the comments if you enjoyed this. I love reading them and getting feedback that my writing isn't shit. 
> 
> If you can't tell by now, I like taking my time with the storyline. I think it pays off though, don't you? :3 
> 
> I know you all want more LeviXReader. ME TOO. I kin reader so I'm ITCHING to dive deeper into their relationship. The stage is set. IT IS ALMOST HERE *ugly noises
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	7. The Opposite of Hate

You are grateful for the space people give you over the next few days. Most of your time is spent isolated in Hange’s basement, tinkering with a project you’ve been working on in your spare time. Hange has become your closest friend in the Survey Corps, a fact that amuses you. She’s the exact opposite of the people you normally like to be around, but underneath all that erraticism is a level of genius and understanding that has made her a trusted friend. “Don’t worry, I’m used to being around difficult people who can’t ever say what they’re feeling” she grinned at you one evening as you were attempting to put into words how grateful you were for her company over these past few days. She had listened quietly as you told her about the circumstances of both your parents’ deaths and silently hugged you when you had finished. You secretly wished for her to become your new captain.  
  
  
Soon, you would be assigned to your permanent squad and have less time free time to play around with your inventions, so you worked quickly. Lifting the finished product to eye level, you squinted to look for any imperfections. Satisfied with your work, you place the gear in a small box, next to a washed handkerchief, and head up the stairs before you could psych yourself out.  
  
  
You take a deep breath outside Captain Levi's office and raise your first. _Should I just leave it here or give it to him directly?_ You didn’t really want to have to talk to him, but it might seem disrespectful if you just left it here. The former seemed the more insufferable option, so you leave the box and turn to leave. _What if it needs to be adjusted?_ You hesitate and pick the box up once more, _I guess he can always just throw it away if he doesn’t like it._ You bend down to leave the box again when the door swings open, startling you, and you end up on your butt looking up at a scowling face.  
  
  
“Why are you making so much noise outside my office?” Captain Levi says in his normal, pissed off voice.   
  
  
Quickly rising to your feet, you sheepishly hide the box behind your back and glance up at him, “There was something I wanted to give you, Captain Levi” _Oh damn, why the fuck did I ever think this was a good idea? He’ll probably hate it. Or think I’m trying to suck up to him.  
  
  
_ He wrinkles his nose at you and scowls, “Come in. Make it quick.”  
  
  
You follow him in, taking a look around his office. It was the first time you’ve been in here and you were a little surprised at how meticulously clean it was. The books all lined up perfectly on the shelves, a work table and couch off to the side of the room looked spotless. A broom rested in the corner. _So he’s a clean freak, huh? Well, I got some bad news for him…_  
  
  
“Um… I noticed how you like using a backhand when you fight the titans.” _Shit, does this make it sound like I stare at him when he fights?_ You quickly continue, “And I was thinking about how to design the handles to better suit your grip.” You put the box on his desk and back away again. “So I came up with this. It should provide better ergonomics when fighting and the added trigger will allow you to shoot your hooks even when you’re holding the blades backwards.” You peek up at him and see him assessing you through his narrow eyes, the side of his head learning against his palm.  
  
  
He pulls the box forward and grabs one of the handles, opening and closing his fingers around it a few times, flipping it forwards and backwards. “Hmph, not bad.” His eyes meet yours, “Did you make this on your own?”  
  
  
Swallowing, you nod. “I figured the least we could do is that ensure humanity’s strongest had the customizations needed to fight to the best of his ability.” you mutter. _In hindsight, this makes it look like I’m obsessed with him._  
  
  
He looks at the handles again appreciatively, “I’ll try this out. Your design better not have any malfunctions, or I’ll beat your ass to next week.”  
  
  
 _What an arrogant piece of shit,_ a twinge of annoyance flares up in you. “Please don’t worry, Captain Levi. My designs are not that amateur. Even someone like you shouldn’t be able to mess it up, despite your best efforts.”  
  
  
“Oh?” He lifts a thin eyebrow and smirks, “Someone like me?” You remain silent while he puts his new handles back in the box, the piece of fabric at the bottom catching his attention for the first time. He lifts his handkerchief up and stares at it for a moment. You begrudgingly held onto it when the hospital staff tried to throw it out, even though it was completely soaked in blood at that point. Despite washing it multiple times, there were still faint traces of blood on it. You decided returning it would be less dangerous than not returning it at all, blood stains aside. He was the one who told you to press it to your wound, after all.  
  
  
You’re surprised when he throws it back at you and almost drop the soft piece of fabric. “Keep it” he says flatly, “I don’t like dirty things.”  
  
  
“Strange profession you picked.” You respond with a straight face.  
  
  
You see the corner of his mouth twitch, _Has he ever smiled before?_ “It wasn’t me who picked it.” He says dismissively.  
  
  
Questions bubble up inside of you, but you force them down. Balling the handkerchief up in your first, you give him a quick salute and turn to leave.  
  
  
“I expect you here first thing tomorrow morning to receive your new orders.” He says, not looking up from his work.  
  
  
You pause in surprise, _what is that supposed to mean?_ “Sir?”  
  
  
He glances at you one last time. “Erwin assigned you to my squad.” Your eyes widen and your heart begins beating faster in your chest. The sadistic smile he gives you feels like a noose tightening around your neck “Welcome to Squad Levi, Reader.”  
  
  
 _Welcome to hell.  
  
  
  
  
  
_ Your first official order from Captain Levi is rather mundane. _Brew him tea every morning and deliver it to his office first thing._ “If you give me something shitty, I’ll have you mucking the stalls for a week” he had threatened. You’ve come to realize that his threats are his way of asking for things and shrug it off easily. You’re actually tempted to serve him some of that pig piss Hange brews; a week with horses instead of people didn’t sound so bad, especially after meeting the members of your new squad.  
  
  
You struggled to meet the gaze of the veteran soldiers, as news of the new member of Squad Levi spread throughout the Scouts. You didn’t blame the distrusting looks they gave you; they were a tight knit group, the way only years of close combat and near-life experiences can bond people. In you come, messing up the equilibrium of it all, with you shitty personality and inexperience. You feel like a small sapling trying to befriend one of the giant trees. But its futile, as their large branches, formed over years and years of steady growth, intertwine to block any sunlight from reaching you down below. Only Petra seems unbothered.

  
  
“I’m so excited you’re here!” she grabbed your hands, eyes sparking, “It’s so hard being the only girl among all these pig-headed guys all the time.” They protest, but she brushes them off, “Don’t worry about them too much, they put up a strong front but on the inside, they’re all softies.” Your relationship with the other squad members is not as easy. You find difficulty getting close to them, having little in common. Still, they're the only people besides Hange that Captain Levi seems comfortable with. He lets his guard down ever so slightly when the six of you are together. You like seeing him like this, feeling content to watch from the sidelines as the rest of them interact. It was strange, thinking of them as _your_ squad; you had never been a part of anything before and it made you uncomfortable having to be included in stuff. You tried your best to match their level of confidence, but even when they tried to include you in their conversations and whatnot, your inadequacy just seemed to bring the mood down and you quickly became accustomed to just watching them from the background.   
  
  
The only calm you feel are the few minutes you spend every morning brewing tea for your captain, a quiet ritual for you before you have to start the day. After the first few mornings, you don’t even need to announce yourself after softly rapping at his door twice. He knows who it is. You know he’s expecting you. You never brew the same blend, always adjusting the ratios slightly depending on what you’re feeling like that morning. Gradually, you become more and more at ease with him. In this world of unknowns, his scowl and negative personality is something that remains steady. You can almost call it comforting.  
  
  
You learn other little things about him, too. The way he keeps cleaning supplies in his desk, along with a lint roller. How he presses his cravat every evening and goes to the barber every two weeks to keep his hair neatly trimmed. When you lean in to pour him tea, you’re able to get a whiff of his cologne. _Amber and cedar._ The scent mixes with the clean smell of soap from his morning showers. You take a liking to it.  
  
  
The new squad has completed a few supply missions without complications. You feel at ease with them beyond the walls; these were people you trusted to watch your back, their abilities tried and tested. You start racking up your own kill numbers, too. You still remember the surprise on their faces the first time they saw you take flight, easily bringing down a line of titans and landing back on your horse without skipping a beat. You never hesitate in front of the titans, eyes calm and gleaming. Sometime, you think you like killing them a little more than you should. Levi looks at you out of the corner of his eyes, _she should be more freaked out than this,_ he thinks, gripping his new blade handles tighter.   
  
  
"Are you not afraid of them?" Eld asked you one time over dinner.   
  
  
"Not really," you replied, spooning some soup into your mouth.   
  
  
"You've never think about getting eaten by a titan?"   
  
  
"I think about it all the time, the thought helps me fall asleep at night."   
  
  
They blink at you for a minute, still unfamiliar with your dark sarcasm. Then Gunther lets out a laugh, "That's the right attitude. If you spend too much time thinking about how many ways you could die, eventually one of them will come true."  
  
  
Truth is, you don't think about dying a lot, already accepting that it is bound to happen sooner or later. 30% of the Scouts gets wiped out on every expedition, it was only a matter of time before something happened to you. The idea doesn't bother you that much, but you keep it to yourself.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Today’s orders were out of the ordinary. The Scouts had received a request from a shelter nearby that took care of widows and single mothers. Apparently someone’s abusive husband had discovered her location and was harassing the people that ran the home, demanding to see her. Since the location was close to you, the Garrison had handed the case to the Survey Corps to handle it.  
  
  
“They requested that we send only female soldiers, to not make the other residents uncomfortable,” Captain Levi had explained to you and Petra, “Think you can handle it?”  
  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
  
  
  
It was your first time being alone with her for a mission. She is really easy to be around, and you understand why everyone seems to like her so much. Still, you try to avoid being alone with her for too long, as she is always a little too enthusiastic to have "girl talk" with you. Most of the time, she's just gushing over Captain Levi. "Did you know? He was the one who requested me join his squad first." She had told you one day, a hint of pride in her voice, "I couldn't imagine being a part of anyone else's squad, though. Captain Levi is the strongest and he's the only one I trust completely. I'd follow him anywhere..."   
  
  
"Do you like him?" you had asked her flat out one time. She was practically begging you to ask her, and you were tired of hearing the same things over and over again.  
  
  
She blushed and looked down, "I think it would be foolish to like anyone who doesn't like you back. But maybe one day..."   
  
  
You didn't respond. It wasn't a stretch, though. If Captain Levi wanted to settle down with anyone one day, Petra would be the obvious choice. Something stopped you from saying that to her, even though you knew it was what she wanted to hear.   
  
  
  
  
  
The two of you head out and interview the residents. By the time you finish, it’s nearly dusk. You yawn and shake your fingers, sore from all the testimony taking. The husband was a classic asshole from what you gathered. Part of you wanted to come face to face with him so you could beat him up. “If he doesn’t show himself today, there’s not much we can do besides try and come back again later.” Petra says you to. You grunt in agreement and head down the road where your horses are tied.  
  
  
If it weren’t for your quick reflexes, you would have lost an eye to the knife that slices towards the two of you from behind. Ducking on instinct, you quickly jump out of the way, senses alert and eyes wide at first, then narrowing as you see the blade pressed against Petra’s throat by the black-eyed man behind her.  
  
  
“Finally, someone that can gets me what I want,” the man growls. “Take me to my wife or I’ll slit her throat right here and now.” Even from a distance, you can smell the alcohol on his breath. _Speak of the devil..._  
  
  
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you” you say coldly, “Do you know the prison sentence for someone who kills a soldier?” Your eyes flicker to Petra’s, whose expression of fear makes you all the more pissed off.  
  
  
“Shut up!” he yells. “How dare a worthless group of women keep me from taking my property.” He tightens his grip on Petra. You stare at her, praying she can hear the plan in your head.  
  
  
“Property….” You say slowly, rising to your feet. Your voice is calm, “You're hardly worth the shirt on your back, you fucker. I hate people like you the most. Pathetic, blaming the world for your own shortcomings. You don’t deserve to be loved by anyone else” your eyes flash, “Much less that grimy old hand of yours.”  
  
  
Petra understands. She bites down on him hard as you shoot forward at him. He yelps in pain and throws her to the ground, intent to kill flooding his eyes as he charges at you. “Petra! Go get help!” It’s been a while since you’ve fought someone bare-handed, and you regret not bringing your blades with you. The man is much larger, but slow and stupid under the influence of alcohol. You weave in and out, striking blows on him. Something is stinging on your arm, but you pay it no attention as you kick the back of his knee, causing him to buckle. You pull his arms around and dig your knee into his back, slapping of pair of handcuffs over his wrist. “Stay down, you absolute piece of shit” you spit at him. He struggles underneath you, but you keep him apprehended until Petra returns with Eld and Gunther. The two men drag him off while you go back to inform the women at the shelter that the situation was taken care of.  
  
  
“Reader,” Petra says to you as you ride back, voice thick, “Thank you for saving me back there, I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t come with me." _Well, Captain Levi obviously didn't request her for her fighting ability._  
  
  
You blush slightly, not used to complements “It’s no big deal” you mutter back to her, looking down at the road in front of you.   
  
  
  
  
  
Turns out, it was a little bit of a deal. You’re looking at yourself in the mirror of the bathroom down the hall from Captain Levi’s office, having just given him the report. You managed to get yourself rather deeply nicked during your fight, and you struggle to stop the bleeding. _I must have a clotting disorder or something,_ you think. Since you were a kid, you bruised like a peach and scrapes always took a little longer to heal. Now that you’ve peeled off your jacket and shirt, you can see the cut over your right upper arm. It is only a few inches long, but deep, and you prepare yourself for the pain that’s about to come as you grab the suture kit from the first aid box you have with you. If you sit on the sink at a certain angle, you can just reach the back of your arm where the cut starts. Wincing slightly, you pull the needle through your skin, the still flowing blood making the job twice as difficult.  
  
  
“How does it feel like, being so stupid that you get yourself injured during such a routine investigation?”  
  
  
You glance up at the blue eyes in the mirror, no longer surprised when he comes up behind you. “Captain Levi, can you please not distract me from this right now?” You try to ignore how you're half naked in front of him.   
  
  
He scoffs at you, “If you don’t want to be bothered, you shouldn’t have left a trail of blood behind you.” He leans a mop against the wall and walks over to you.  
  
  
You turn back to your arm and yell in pain as he grabs the suture needle from you, “You’re pathetic. I can’t stand this anymore,” he mutters in a low voice. “Just hold this”, he places a piece of gauze in your hand and has you hold it under the wound to catch the blood.  
  
  
“Captain, I’m more than capable enough to—” you start.  
  
  
“No, you’re not.” He interrupts. “Now stay put and don’t move. That’s a order, cadet.”  
  
  
You remain silent and look away as he weaves your skin back together. The pain is pretty intense, and you close your eyes and concentrate on steadying your breathing. His fingers are quick and careful against your arm. You try to ignore the feeling of Captain Levi’s breath on your bare shoulder, hoping he doesn’t notice the chills it's giving you.  
  
  
  
 _The blood is flowing dark red._ Does she have a clotting disorder or something? _Levi thinks as he works. His had noticed how her complexion was paler than normal when she was giving her report. Blood was dripping down her arm onto his floors, dirtying them, but he said nothing, expecting her to head to the hospital wing once she was done. When Reader left, he sighed and grabbed a mop, wiping up the pearls of blood, They lead a short while down the hallway before turning into the bathroom._ No way… _He peers through the cracked door, seeing Reader struggling to patch herself up._ What an idiot, _he sighs, and goes to help her. The two of them are close now, closer than they ever had been before. His eyes flicker up to Reader’s face. Her lips are pursed in pain and the long eyelashes grace her cheeks. He exhales and notices her tense up slightly under his fingertips at the sensation. The reaction makes him falter ever so slightly. He hopes she doesn’t notice. His eyes move down the curve of her collarbone back to his work. He has to keep himself from looking anywhere else.  
  
  
  
_ Satisfied with his work, Captain Levi quickly finishes up and wraps your arm in gauze and bandages. “Thank you” you say softly. Your arm still hurts, but at least you weren’t leaking like a dripping faucet anymore. You wince and struggle to pull your shirt back over your head.  
  
“Take the morning off tomorrow.” _What is he saying?_ You can’t tell if you heard him correctly, but by the time you finally manage to poke your head through the correct hole in your shirt, your Captain is gone.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Maybe you imagined it, but your orders the next day seem to be less intense than they usually are. You complete the chores quickly and lounge about in the barracks, wondering if you should take a quick nap. It was Moblit’s birthday, and Hange had arranged for a big group of you to meet at a pub that evening to celebrate. You hadn’t drunk in a long time and wondered how shitty your tolerance would be now. _I wonder how Bark is doing…  
  
  
_ You change out of your uniform into one of the few sets of casual clothes you brought with you. A plain brown skirt and black long-sleeved top. You let your hair down tonight (having used your free time to wash it for once), and it tumbles down your back. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and practice smiling for a second, not wanting to be the source of any negativity tonight. At the pub, you give your birthday wishes to Moblit and greet Hange enthusiastically, who immediately drags you over to take friendship shots. You can’t remember the last time you enjoyed a night out, and soon feel pleasantly buzzed. It makes you sleepy and you observe the rowdy crowd in contentment at the back of the bar. It was refreshing seeing what kind of drunk everyone was, and you let out a small chuckle as Nanaba easily beats Tomas in an arm wrestling competition. You see glimpses of Captain Levi in the corner, sipping on a dark liquid. You were hoping to see what he would be like drunk, but the alcohol doesn't seem to have any effect on him. He is as stormy as always. You look away from him and smile as Hange does her titan imitation. Soon, your eyelids are heavy with sleep, W _as I always such a lightweight?_ You yawn and call it a night, giving Hange a hug goodbye before stepping into the cool night air, starting the walk back to the barracks.  
  
  
  
  
 _It was the first time Levi had seen Reader with her guard down. She was sipping a glass of white wine, a loose strand of hair tucked behind her ear. The cloud of moodiness that normally surrounds her is gone. For once, she doesn't seem to be forcing herself into the background. Her legs were crossed, revealing slim ankles. A warm flush colors her cheeks and emphasizes her freckles. Levi lifts his glass of scotch to his lips. Even though he know it won't have any affect on him, he likes the taste. From across the bar, he watches as her blinking grows slower and slower, until finally, she pushes up to give Hange a hug, and leaves._  
 _  
“Oi Tomas!” Hange calls across the room, “Can you walk Reader back? It’s dangerous for a woman to walk at night alone, y’know. Especially one as pretty as her.” Tomas, however, is in no state to walk anywhere, crying in a corner over his humiliating defeat. Hange looks around the room for anyone in a somewhat sound state of mind, and her eyes land on the perfect candidate. “Leviiiiiii” she yells, stumbling towards him. Here was a man who never got drunk, perfect. “Can you go walk Reader back? I’m worried about her. Pleeeeease? Please please please please please?” She tugs his arm incessantly.  
  
  
  
“Let go” he snaps, pulling his arm away. He lets her tumble into the bar, but gets up nonetheless. He had been looking for an excuse to leave anyways. Outside, he glimpses Reader in the distance and sets out after her._  
  
  
  
You don’t know when they started following you, but you’re soon aware of two men trailing behind you. Fighting the fog in your mind, you force your senses alert as they get closer.  
  
  
“Hey, pretty lady” one of them calls at you, “You lost?”  
  
  
 _Men suck._ You keep your head down and walk faster, hoping that if you ignore them, they'll leave you alone. They catch up to you anyways and one of them throws an arm around your shoulder. “If you’re not feeling well, why don’t you let us take care of you for the night? We promise to make it a fun time.” They chuckle.  
  
  
You wriggle out from the disgusting touch. “Don’t touch me, you bastards.” You hiss at them. An alarm starts going off inside of you, and you glance around hoping to find someone to that could help, but the street is deserted. In your current condition, you don’t think you’d be able to fight off two of them at once.   
  
  
“What did you say, bitch?” an angry voice threatens. An arm reaches out to take you, but before you can blink, you hear a loud thud behind you. You turn to see one of the men flat on his back, face punched in and few teeth knocked out. The other one winds his fist, but a few thumps later, he’s sprawled upside down against the alleyway.  
  
  
“Did you not hear her? She said to keep your filthy hands off, you scum.” Captain Levi spits at them disdainfully.  
  
  
You know how cliché it is, but you can’t help the moment of infatuation that washes over you. Your captain is wearing black pants and a grey shirt, which accentuates his strong chest and shoulders. Something about the moonlight make his deep blue eyes look all that much brighter. While he is still your captain, you realize for the first time that he is also a man. You feel your heart pounding in your chest as he approaches you, looking you over to make sure you aren’t hurt.  
  
  
“Are you alright?” he asks, not unkindly. _  
  
  
_“Captain….” You’re still in shock from the last few seconds, “What are you doing here?”  
  
  
He pushes you forward to start walking again. You wince at the elbow he digs into your back. “Hange practically begged me to make sure you got home safely. Didn’t your father ever teach you to not walk by yourself late at night—” he stops, realizing his mistake.  
  
  
You stumble after him, “Sadly, he didn’t stick around long enough to give me that lesson” you grumble, struggling to walk in a straight line. You're about to fall, but a strong arms wraps around you. Captain Levi’s fingers close over your waistline, and the sensation makes your body feel like it’s on fire. You flinch, “I’m able to walk on my own, thanks” you tell him, trying to get out of reach.  
 _Red flag red flag red flag.  
_  
  
His grip around you tightens, pulling you closer to him. “I promised to get you home _safely._ I didn’t beat up those bastards back there just to have you hurt yourself.” The issue is settled.  
  
  
You silently walk back to the barracks, shoulder pressed against his chest, trying to ignore the attractive scent of amber and cedar. You try to not think about how the shape of his muscles feels against you. You _really_ try to not imagine him shirtless. This man was sent to keep you safe, but you feel more vulnerable around him than anyone else. Like you would unravel for him if he asked. _Pull yourself together_. Nothing good would come out of getting the hots for your Captain. _He isn’t my type anyways. I prefer tall guys.  
  
  
_ He doesn’t release you until you’re in front of the women’s quarters. As you step away, you feel the imprint of his warmth on you, like a heat map your body has memorized.   
  
  
“Thank you” you mutter at him.   
  
  
“Are you sure you’ll be alright?”  
  
  
“Yes, pretty sure.” Something in you stirs, _I don’t want him to leave yet._  
  
  
“Goodnight, Reader.” He turns and you involuntarily take a step after him. He pauses and looks at you, “Do you have something else to say, cadet?”  
  
  
Your mouth hangs open. _Fuck, you idiot. Say something. Anything. Preferably something not stupid. Just tell him thank you and that you hope he has a good night._  
  
  
That doesn’t happen. You turn his night very sour indeed as you hurl onto the ground in front of you, your own sick splattering onto his perfectly polished brown shoes. Now that your stomach is empty, you feel your intestines twist into a knot at the damning mistake you just made. The murderous aura hits you from where you stand and feel all the blood leave your face as you slowly rise to face him.  
  
  
His fist are tightly balled as he looks at you. His voice is quiet and almost soothing, which scares you even more. “My office, tomorrow, 5 a.m. sharp.” With that, he turns and leaves.  
  
  
You stand there, stunned for a few minutes. A small part of you hopes that you just dreamed everything, and at any moment now you’ll wake up and realize this whole thing was just a nightmare. _I should just dig my grave now and die,_ you lament. Setting your alarm for 4:30, you try to stop thinking about what kind of punishment awaits you tomorrow. _At least he didn’t beat me up, that’s a plus,_ you think, remembering how easily he knocked your harassers down on their asses. Despite how the night ended, the sensation of being pressed against him lingers. When was the last time you had been touched by someone (besides Hange) and didn’t hate it?  
  
  
No, it isn’t just not hating it. You like how it felt when he touched you. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Easter eggs behold. I'm so excited now that I get to write more Levi X Reader interactions! Anyone down for friendship shots with Hange? I know I am. I feel bad for Reader, but to be fair, I've done far worse things while drunk...
> 
> I've eased you into it, now prepare yourselves for some major sexual and emotional tension in the next chapter. As always, let me know in the comments down below if you're enjoying this! 
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	8. Coffee or Tea?

_I wish he would just beat me and be done with it._ You groan as you muck out Kuchel’s stall for the third time this week. Since the “incident”, you’ve been working nonstop for Captain Levi. Your punishment was essentially being his personal slave for 10 days, and he was using his power to the fullest. He expected you to have his morning tea ready for him by the time he reached his office every morning—which is considerably earlier when everyone else awoke—and be doing paperwork for him in his office until he released you for the night—also much later than you are used to. _Maybe the reason he didn’t grow any more is because he didn’t get enough sleep as a child._  
  
  
The hours in between were spent doing chores and busywork for him that included many personal errands such as polishing his blades, cleaning his room, and scrubbing his bathroom floors until everything is spotless. His bedroom connects to his office through a side door, with his own person bathroom adjoining his bedroom. It scared you a little to think about entering your captain's room, but you quickly got over it when he started treating you like his personal maid. His room is simple but well thought out, every piece complementing the next and having its perfect spot. His few personal items are tucked away in chests under the bed. Besides his perfectly made bed, there is a small bedside table, a coffee table with a single chair, and bookshelf that is mostly empty. He is obviously someone that doesn't read for fun. Most of the books were common military texts about history or strategy. His bathroom is just as sparse, a single toothbrush, razor, and hairbrush sit in a small cup by the sink, net to a bottle of cologne. His soap, you noticed, is specially purchased, not that generic stuff they have in the barracks. A first aid kit and some towels sit on a shelf.  
  
  
You mop the floors and dust every surface almost daily, not that the room really needed it. Captain Levi is more of a clean freak than you first thought. You pride yourself on being pretty well organized and meticulous yourself, but it was nothing compared to him. You're amazed when anything you do is up to his standards. But if something isn't too his liking, he will make you redo it completely. You also have to clean out his ashtray every morning. You have never seen him smoke, but the faint scent of cigarettes hangs about his room, along with the amber and cedar. It's an attractive scent that suits him well. Now, you’re meticulously cleaning out Kuchel’s, his horse, hooves until not a single speck of dirt remains. It seemed unfair that such an perturbed main got such a sweet horse. She was soft-tempered and you loved looking into her dark, beautiful eyes.   
  
  
“Kuchel…that’s a pretty name” you said when he introduced you to her the first time, “How did you come up with that?”  
  
  
He is facing away from you, but you hear a certain thickness enter his voice, “None of your business.” _Did this man never learn to carry on a conversation like a normal human being?_ It takes everything in you to not roll your eyes, but you don't ask him any further.   
  
  
The biggest punishment of all is not being able to take part in the missions for the duration of your servitude. You look longingly at the wall, aching for the freedom that lay just beyond. You watch as the gate closes behind the last member of Squad Levi and turn back to your buckets of laundry with a sigh. Compared to this, you’d take a good beating any day. Especially if it was Captain Levi delivering your punishment.  
  
  
You spend many hours with him, most of it hunkered over administrative work that makes the hours drag by even slower. You find yourself glancing up at him more and more as the days pass. He doesn’t normally say much, but you notice how his coldness seems to melt the longer he’s on his own, almost like pieces of armor being shed as he realizes there’s no one left for him to guard against. It was only you, after all. The more time you spend with one another, the more you find a quiet contentment in the other’s presence. The normally stormy mood that clouds your head seems insignificant next to his constant thunderstorm. You liked seeing the little habits that would come out only when he was somewhat relaxed. The way he would twirl the pen in his hand or lean back in his chair and roll out shoulders. Once the sun starts to set, he glances out of his window every so often so see how they sky is changing.   
  
  
On one of these evenings, the both of you find yourselves up extra late. So late, that you see him yawn for the first time. “Reader” he calls to you absentmindedly and waves towards his empty cup. You’re grown used to his glances and gestures, barely needing to speak in order to communicate, and get up to brew a new pot of tea. You nod off in front of the stove and jerk back awake to a screaming tea kettle. The paperwork was endless and your eyelids grow heavy with sleep. Your catch a whiff of smoke and glance up.  
  
  
Captain Levi must have been nearing his wits end as well. A cigarette hangs out of his mouth, _where did that come from?,_ and his thin eyebrows are furled as he works. You watch for a moment as his slim fingers bring the burning roll up and down from his lips smoke billowing allow him. You allow yourself to relish in his handsomeness for a few breaths before getting up and heading to his bedroom. He doesn’t even realize you’ve moved until you hold the ashtray out to him, just in time to catch a few falling embers. You give him a small smile and move to open the window to air out the smoke. The moon is mostly hidden by clouds tonight, only a few stars peeking through. You breathe in the fresh air before return to your desk, stifling another yawn. A warm breeze hits your face, gently blowing the white curtains, and you inhale the familiar scent of smoke and his cologne. It gives you the same coziness you’d feel when the smell of freshly baked bread wafted up from the floorboards in your old apartment.  
  
  
  
  
 _Levi has been extra careful these past few days. If he lets himself get distracted, he’ll find himself staring at Reader longer than he should. For the most part, he's liked having you around. You treat Kuchel well; more than once he's caught you talking soothingly to his horse, feeding her apples and brushing her mane to perfection. Your work is usually adequate and you are detailed when you clean, refusing to cut corners to finish earlier. You quickly pick up on how to read his body language and understand his minimal gestures, something he is a little impressed with, not that he'd ever admit it to you. When you're done cleaning his room, he can smell the faint scent of your perfume lingering.  
  
  
You’ve been quiet for a while now, and he lets himself glance up briefly. His mouth opens a little at what he sees: your head is resting gently in your arms on the table, eyes closed and lips slightly open as you gently breathe in and out. He walks over to you for a closer look. It takes a few minutes before he gets over the novelty of it all. Your expression is more peaceful than he’s ever seen. Slowly, he reaches forward a hand and allows his fingertips to brush over the top of your head, down a lock of your hair and down your cheek. At the touch, you exhale contentedly in your sleep. He pauses, drinking in your scent of peonies and vanilla. He was mentally prepared for the anger to come, but it doesn't. He feels content standing over you, watching you sleep. Carefully, he takes the paperwork you’ve fallen asleep on and shrugs off his coat. He gently drapes it over your shoulders, careful not to wake you, and goes back to his desk with the papers. He gives you one last look before retiring to his bedroom later. The sight of his jacket over your shoulders makes him smile ever so slightly.  
  
  
_  
  
The next time you lift your head, you’re surrounded by darkness. It takes you a minute to distinguish your surroundings. _Shit, did I really fall asleep here?_ You look around to see that the papers in front of you are gone. Neat stacks of completed paperwork sit on the corner of Captain Levi’s desk, ready to be delivered first thing tomorrow. _He must have finished it all after I fell asleep._ You feel a sudden burst of affection, followed by confusion. _Why didn't he just wake me up._ Normally, he'd just throw something at you if he caught you nodding off. As you get up to leave, something falls from your shoulder onto the ground. _This is…how did it get here?_ You lift Captain Levi’s jacket and stare at it for a while, your heart beating a little faster. Bringing it closer, you inhale deeply once. It smells like him _Stop this.  
  
  
_ You expertly fold it, leave it on his desk, and walk away.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He says nothing to you about the jacket the next morning as you pour him a cup of tea, and neither do you. “Erwin will be here later in the afternoon. Bring us something to drink when he arrives.”  
  
  
Your eyes flicker to his face, but he is as stoic as ever, “Roger”. The atmosphere between you two is normal, and you go about your day doing the normal round of chores for him. As you polish his ODM gear, you notice a few loose screws and other areas of improvement. He says nothing when you return from the barracks with a few of your own tools. _Hopefully by now he trusts me to make adjustments on his gear without abusing me too much._ Still, it makes you happy when you see how much use he is getting out of the handles you made him, evident from the patterns in the leather.   
  
  
When you see Commander Erwin pull up, you head down to the kitchen to brew some tea and coffee. “What the fuck is this?” Captain Levi wrinkles his nose at the dark liquid as you bring the tray around.  
  
  
“This,” you hand him his tea and shoot him a look “is for Commander Erwin,” you smile sweetly at your Commander as you give him the cup.  
  
  
“Thank you, Reader.” He returns your smile, “How did you know I prefer coffee?”  
  
  
You shrug, “Intuition I guess, sir. You strike me as a coffee man." Commander Erwin, you're learning, isn't as threatening when he doesn't need to be. It seems like everyone in the military keeps up a persona that allows them to do their job.  
  
  
His eyes beam at you and Captain Levi’s scowl deepens. “Tch, get back to work, Reader,” he orders. You shoot him one last look and give them a quick salute. Then, you head down to the front lawn to finish hanging some laundry. _  
  
  
_The work isn't difficult, per se, but it still poses a challenge. With your small height, hanging the laundry evenly is troublesome since there isn't a step stool to help you reach the clothesline. You're happy to be outside, though; the sun is warm against your back and you stand up for a minute to wipe a bead of sweat off your face. _Only a few more days, then I can get back to my normal duties as a soldier._ You strain on your tip toes to try and secure the last clothespin, _just a few more inches…._ A wide shadow suddenly come up behind you, blocking the sun. You see a large hand reaching easily over your head to grab the clothespin from your fingers, securing it on the line. Looking up, see a pair of ice blue eyes towering over you and your choke a little.  
  
  
“Commander!” you trip over yourself trying to salute to him and feel your face get flushed.  
  
  
“At ease, cadet.” He chuckles. “Is doing laundry part of the normal duties Levi gives you?” _  
  
_  
“Not normally sir. Its just that right now…”  
  
  
He raises an eyebrow and waits for you to continue. You wrack your brain for the best way to explain this. “Right now, I ‘m trying to make up for a mistake that I made towards Captain Levi.”  
  
  
“And he has you doing his laundry?”  
  
  
“Yes.” _alongside other things…_ Your knees are still sore from scrubbing his floors this morning.  
  
  
He chuckles again and shakes his head. You have a feeling that he knows more than he’s letting on. “I won’t ask what offense you committed, but you have my sympathy. Keep up the good work, Reader.” He puts a hand on your shoulder and you think he lets it linger a second too long before heading out to where his horse is tethered. You’re a little dumbstruck at the encounter, but quickly shake it from your mind as you head inside to take a cool shower. If you tried to reason with every action a man has made towards you, you'd spend your life running in circles. Your list of chores for the day is far from finished, and you mentally prepare yourself for the paperwork that is to come.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Levi watches you from his window for a minute, the way you struggle to reach the top of the clothesline. Erwin’s voice fades into the background. The day is perfect, your hair blows in the wind and the sunlight highlights your features. He feels pissed off.  
  
  
“…Levi. Levi!” Erwin’s voice snaps him back. He’s come to see what Levi was looking at through the window, eyes widening as he sees you down below. His eyes turn to Levi, who shoots him a murderous look as he moves away from the window, as if challenging Erwin to say something.  
  
  
Erwin is beside himself with amusement. “I didn’t realize you trusted anyone besides yourself to wash your sheets.”  
  
  
“Shut up.” Levi snaps at him, eyes flashing.   
  
  
Erwin’s grin deepens, “Maybe it’s because she uses them too?”  
  
  
“I said SHUT UP.”  
  
  
Erwin’s eyes are twinkling, but he doesn’t pursue the matter further._ This could be interesting… _  
  
  
Levi is at the window once again, having finished up his business with Erwin. When he sees Erwin come up behind you and help you with the laundry, his fists ball up tightly and he feels a possessive tug in his chest. He hates the way your cheeks flush in embarrassment as you look up at the Commander. He goes from pissed off to full on fuming when he sees Erwin’s hand on your shoulder, lingering a moment too long. As Erwin walks back to his horse, Levi sees him glance up to the office window, a mischievous smile on his face. Levi tries to calm himself back at his desk, but it takes him a while before he can focus on anything but the sight of the two of you together.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_ That evening, you’re working at your usual desk in Captain Levi’s office when the other member of your squad walk in. They had gone down to the training grounds for new enlistees—trying to recruit them to the Scouts—and were giving their reports for the day. Petra hangs back to talk with Captain Levi while the other members make their way down to the mess hall. “..and there are these two really strong female fighters” she’s chatting enthusiastically, leaning her hip against his desk. She's also touching her hair a lot and smiling at him. Your hunch of her having a crush on him deepens, “and another kid who is pretty weak, but he has one of the brightest minds I’ve seen in a long time. Overall, the 104th Garrison looks a very promising class…” You peek up at your Captain. He is looking up at her, his normal scowl absent and his eyes gentler than usual; he’s always seemed to have a soft spot for her. You feel a twinge of jealousy when you see how nice they look together. You have to admit, they'd make an attractive couple. Sometimes, you wonder what life is like for girls like Petra. She’s effortlessly kind and bubbly, the type of girl people are naturally drawn too. She is really cute, too, her green eyes are bright and beautiful.  
  
  
You shift your dumpy brown eyes back to the papers in front of you, dark storm clouds rolling in your mind to help drown out their conversation. She waves at you cheerfully when she leaves and you force a smile. You don't look up to see if Captain Levi is watching her she walks out. For a while, the only sounds are the scratching of your pens against parchment and the occasional clink of china teacups. When you finish a stack, you walk over to Captain Levi’s desk to hand it to him. “There seem to be more people interested in the Suvery Corps than usual, based on the reports from today,” you tell him, “Petra and the rest must have done a really good job engaging the new recruits.” _Something I could never do.  
  
  
_ He doesn’t miss the smallest twinge of bitterness that peppers your voice. “Maybe if you didn’t look like you need to take a shit all the time, people would want to engage with you more, too.” he scoffs.  
  
  
You huff at him and take your seat again, “Like you’re one to talk.” _How incredulous._  
  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
  
“I don’t think you’re qualified to give lessons on pleasantness, that’s all."  
  
  
His eyes narrow and his voice is menacing, “At least I’m not the one sucking up to the Commander every chance I get.”  
  
  
You are speechless for few seconds. W _hat the hell is that supposed to mean? Is he being jealous right now? And no one sucks up to the commander more than he does._ You keep your answer neutral, “Nothing wrong with being on his good side. He is the Commander of the Survey Corps, after all.”  
  
  
Captain Levi looks like he can murder someone in that moment. He gets up from his desk and walks over to where you are. Every muscle in your body freezes as he leans in closer. You turn to look at him and you feel a whole zoo in your stomach as you stare into his deep blue eyes. They're cutting into you sharper than a titan blade. His fingers grab a strand of your hair and brings it up to his mouth, inhaling the scent of your shampoo. His eyes never leave yours. Your heart must be beating loud enough for him to hear and you're barely breathing. He leans in even closer until his lips are right next to your ear. The sensation of his breath on your neck makes you shiver. His voice is between a whisper and a growl.  
  
  
“He may be your commander, but you’re my bitch.”  
  
  
He drops the strand of hair and turns back to his desk, giving you a few seconds to regain composure in your face. _His bitch._ Not the most romantic thing a guy has ever said to you, but your heart is beating like crazy. It's becoming more and more difficult to control your physical responses around him. You quickly attempt to deescalate the totally _not_ sexual tension in the room. “Do you speak to all women this way? No wonder you’re so popular.” _Humor, the most elite form of all the coping mechanisms._  
  
  
He scoffs, “Only the ones that deserve it.”  
  
  
“And what does a woman have to do deserve such treatment. Mind you, my knees are already bruised from this morning because of you so you’ll have to think of something more imaginative.” _Two can play at this game_  
  
  
The corner of his mouth twitches “So fucking vulgar. Is that how your mother taught you to speak?”   
  
  
_Like you're one to talk._ “You’ll have to forgive her, she died right after I was born and didn’t have time to finish the chapter on speech and etiquette.”  
  
  
He stares at you, his face unreadable, but shuts up nonetheless, to your satisfaction. _Dead mom card, works every time._  
  
  
“I…didn’t know. I’m sorry.” he mumbles eventually.  
  
  
It was the first time your Captain had ever apologized to you. You were shocked, you didn’t think he was capable of the words _I’m sorry,_ especially not to you.   
  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” you say quickly, trying to lighten the mood. “Can’t miss what you never had, right?”  
  
  
A few more moments of silence. “Kuchel” he starts again, right when you thought the conversation was finished, “was my mother’s name. She passed away when I was young.”  
  
  
 _He named his horse after his dead mom…_ Your heart rushes out to him. You are slowly seeing him less and less as humanity’s strongest and more as just another human being, with all the complicated emotions that goes along with it. _He's without question been through so much by now. There must have been no choice but to become apathetic in order to continue fighting forward._ You thought you were pretty good at hiding your emotions and acting like you didn’t care about anything, but you realize that you’re nothing compared to the man in front of you.  
  
  
“I’m sorry." you tell him back, "Her name is really beautiful. I’ve never heard it before.” _Is this what they call trauma bonding?_  
  
  
“Its pretty common in the Underground.” he says nonchalantly.   
  
  
“You’re from the Underground?” You ask in disbelief, probably rudely staring at him. You had heard of the place, everyone has, but never entertained the idea that people could actually live their whole lives in that darkness. It made you sad to think about it, so you spent most of your life pretending it didn’t exist.  
  
  
His eyes flicker to you “It was a long time ago.”  
  
  
“How did you end up in the Survey Corps?”  
  
  
He closes his eyes, as if he’s trying to suppress a bad memory. _It wasn’t me who picked it_ … you remember him saying. You regret asking as a flash of pain contorts his face for the briefest moment. _I wish Hange was here to give him a hug._  
  
  
“Its none of your business, cadet. Get back to work.” The conversation is finished, and you turn your eyes back to the paper in front of you. The two of you remain silent for the rest of the night, but it’s not uncomfortable in any way. Even though you have to stay a little later than usual, you don’t feel sleepy.  
  
  
  
  
  
 _Enclosed in the walls of his office, two people are slowly making steps towards one another, searching for the warmth that always seems to be one step ahead of them._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MVP of the chapter award goes to Erwin. Always one step ahead, isn't he? 
> 
> I hope you like jealous Reader and Levi in this chapter. It is always so fun writing his little inserts!  
> I'm pretty tired from writing so much... I have to focus on school again soon so this won't be updated as quickly, but I'll aim for one chapterish a week. It's a fun creative outlet from the work I normally have to do.  
> Fun fact: I am in medical school! Certified nerd, which is probably reflected in parts of my writing. 
> 
> As always, I love and appreciate your comments. Its encouraging to know that people are enjoying Reader's story :)
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	9. Chrysanthemum

“Captain” you call out as you let yourself into his office, “I brought your tea.” It is the last day of your punishment, and he’s making you stay extra late for it. You can’t wait to get to bed, mentally already wrapped up in your blankets and looking forward to sleeping in the next morning.

The scene in front of you is not what you expected.

The captain is lying completely still on his couch, his right arm curled under his head, supporting it. If not for the slightest rise and fall of his chest, he could have been a sculpture.

Wordlessly, you set the tray of tea down on your desk. The slight clink the china makes seems to reverberate around the room; you’ve never heard as loud of a sound. Gently, you approach the dark green couch and squat down to observe the sleeping soldier, rocking back on your heels.

Your breath catches slightly, you don’t think you’ll see this sight again and try to drink it all in.  
  
 _You’ll never be satiated._

Captain Levi is resting gently on his right side. His arm underneath him and his legs curled up, fitting snuggly in the length of the couch. His lips are parted ever so slightly and if you hold your breath, you can hear the faint whistling of the air passing through his thin lips. His jet black hair falls gently over his face. You’ve never seen him look so peaceful—wait, peaceful may not be the right word. You’ve never seen him without the scowl you could have sworn was permanently engraved on his face. Without it, you are able to properly appreciate how handsome he is for the first time.

 _How long has it been since I started finding him handsome?_ You think to yourself. But the scene in front of yourself is impossible to deny. The slight angle of his jaw. The curl of his slim fingers. The silkiness of his hair. The sharp angle of his eyes and browbone, accentuated by thin eyebrows. How he seems to exude confidence even in the subtle breath of sleep.

You wrap your arms around your knees and tilt your head to rest against them. You take a deep inhale, and when you release it, you finally allow yourself to pay attention to your own body's response. The reaction you've had to this man for a while now, if you're being honest. The reaction he brings out in you.

You feel your pulse racing in your body, strong and steady. You can hear your heartbeat in your ears. Everything looks sharper as your pupils dilate while looking at your sleeping captain.

_Curiosity._

Slowly, as if under a spell, your stretch your right arm toward him.

_Longing._

Your fingers hesitate a centimeter from his head.

_Desire._

Your fingers brush the ends of his hair. You take a strand between your thumb and index finger and let it fall softly over his face. Then, spurred on by adrenaline, you gently trace the back of your hand down that sharp jawline, marveling in the softness. His skin is cold against your warm hands, and your mind is blank except for the single thought of how much you wish you could remain in this moment forever.

It doesn’t last long.  
  
  
You see a flash of the deepest blue lock onto your warm brown and feel an iron grip against your wrist. A voice, hardly above a whisper cuts the air, amplified in the silence.  
  
  
“You dare touch me, you scum?”  
  
  
Your arm is violently pulled and the world spins in front of you, but you never lose contact with the piercing blue of your captain’s eyes. Before you realize what is happening, the wind is knocked out of you as you are heavily pushed against the sofa. You can feel the imprint of his warmth against your back. Your arm is pinned above you against the armrest.  
  
  
“Little bitch” Levi growls, the scowl has returned and you can hear the disdain in his voice. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”  
  
  
 _Ah yes, this is who this man is. Sour, hateful, always in control of his emotions._ But that’s also because no one has ever tested these waters before. You gather your wits and remember who you’re dealing with. But you also who he is dealing with as well.  
  
  
Smiling slightly, you draw your free left arm up to his face and allow your fingers to graze the downturned corners of his mouth.  
  
  
“Yknow, captain” you match his cool tone, revealing nothing in your eyes, “if you keep up this expression all the time, you’ll get premature wrinkle lines”. That seems to do it.  
  
  
“Tch” he spits at you while quickly whipping his head around to get out of reach from your fingertips. Roughly, he grabs your left wrist and pins it above you with your other arm, a grip that is impossible to escape. Now that he has you restrained underneath him, he slowly brings his head down until the two of you are so close, you can feel his breath against your cheek as he murmurs, “If you want to touch me, you need to ask permission first.” _  
  
_  
That was unexpected. Your eyes fly open and you hope the alarm isn't obvious on your face. Your pulse is racing and your heart is beating so loudly, you could swear that your captain can hear it too. You’re grateful for clouds which permit only the faintest moonlight through the windows, so that he can’t see how red your ears and face have become. You feel yourself getting lightheaded, your senses overwhelmed. The amber and cedar fill your nostrils and make your head heavy. The cool, slim fingers rendering your arms worthless above your head. The piercing blue eyes that never leave yours, made even more menacing through narrowed eyes. You try to read his stone-cold face for any sign of expression, but he gives away nothing.  
  
  
Suddenly, you’re aware of the orientation of your lower extremities. Your legs are spread out long across the couch. Levi’s left leg is on the floor, but his right is bent at the knee, giving him height over you. Or so it was.

His thigh moves up further between your legs until it brushes roughly against your crotch. Your breath catches and you feel a stirring in your lower belly. Slowly, he begins to grind his knee against you and the feeling is enough that you immediately start dripping.  
  
  
He pulls his face back and smirks, amusement the only thing that darts across his face. You can only imagine what he sees from his vantage point, a completely dumbstruck and helpless soldier at his mercy. “Or maybe it is you who wants to be touched by me?” _Yes. Oh my god, yes._ His velvety smooth voice fills your mind with nothing else but the need, the primal want, to be touched by this man. “If you want me to touch you, you need to ask for it" he hums.  
  
  
He suddenly moves his leg away from you and you gasp at the sudden loss of friction. Without thought, you raise your hips towards him, chasing the touch that makes you feel empty without.  
  
  
“Stay down, slut.” Captain Levi spits, one of his hands grasping the side of your hip to push you back down. “Didn’t I just say you need to ask if you want me to touch you?”  
  
  
At this point, there is nothing you can do. Your whole mind is filled with the thought of being closer to him. To let him conquer you and have his way with you.

“Yes” you exhale, “Touch me…. I want you to touch me.” At this, you see something else flash in his eyes. Like he’s reached a decision and his eyes narrow as he contemplates you. _Just a little more,_ you think.

“Levi” its only a whisper, but its enough to push him over the edge. His mind is made up. No longer are you cadet and captain, just Levi and Reader, tangled together on his couch.

His lips crash against yours and steals your breath. His tongue violently forces its way between your lips and you feel it exploring the crevices of your mouth, gliding over your teeth until you feel his own nipping hard at your lower lip. His leg is back between yours but the touch is no longer conversational, as he grinds his strength onto your crotch. You feel his grip loosen against your arms and you use moment to break free and loop them around his neck, simultaneously pulling him down against you and pulling your body up against his.  
  


You gasp as he suddenly picks you up, your legs naturally wrapping around him in any attempt to bring him closer to you. You pull back for a moment to look into those deep blue eyes, both of your breaths rapid and ragged at this point. He pushes through the door that leads to his bedroom and throws you onto the bed you made for him just this morning. You use your arms to back up slowly until you feel the wooden bedpost at your back. He looks at you in full now, how your eyes don’t flinch from his gaze. Instead, you’re sizing him up, challenging him. He makes his way over until he’s straddling you, up on his knees so that your face is level with his crotch. You gulp as you see the impressive bulge in the front of his pants and dare to glance up at him.  
  
  
Steel eyes and a demanding face meet yours. “Well, Reader? Get to work.” that voice, usually full of malice and boredom, is now thick with lust. His command was forceful, but you don’t think you imagine the twinge of gentleness in it. A way out, if you wished.  
  
  
 _Like hell._ You can’t believe how turned on you are. Immediately, your fingers start working his belt and zipper, all the while nuzzling his crotch and breathing in his scent. His breath catches for a moment and it spurs you on even more. Finally, you yank his underwear down to reveal his dick fully. You’d be lying if you said you’d never imagined what it would look like, but with it finally inches from your mouth, you can’t help but feel impressed at its length and girth.  
  
  
You lick your lips and dive in, slowly licking his base first before gliding your tongue up his length. You circle a few times at the tip before taking it in your mouth, as deep as you can.  
  
  
Not deep enough for him, apparently. You almost choke as your arms are once against pinned above your head and he rams his dick deep down your throat, your head banging against the bedframe. Your eyes water and you feel like gagging, but quickly adjust to breathing through your nose and relaxing your throat to let him push even further down. Levi moves slowly at first, but as you become more accustomed to him filling your mouth, he thrusts with increasing speed and force. You can hear him grunt through his teeth as you start using your tongue to cradle and tease him with each thrust, until he has no choice but to release your arms so he can tangle his fingers in your hair and force you against his dick.  
  
  
With your hands free, your fingers greedily grab his hips to give you more stability as well. Your fingertips snake their way under his boxers and you feel the tight muscles underneath. _His ass his really the best_ you think to yourself, the tears now starting to trek their way down your cheeks.  
  
  
The signs start to show themselves. The way his grunts start turning into moans, the quick rhythm that he’s found to his liking. The ways his eyes shut as he chases his own end. With a final push, you feel his cum shoot onto the back of your throat, and are silently grateful for how deep he is already. It makes it easier to swallow. Your caress him with your tongue as you watch the shivers run down his body, marveling at the sight of it all.  
  
  
He finally pulls back and you welcome the rush of air that fills your lungs, finally realizing how out of breath and panting you are. He sees you then, panting, tear stained, with a trickle of his seed out of the corner of your mouth.  
  
  
The decision is made.  
  
  
He shoves you down against the soft pillows and growls into your ear, “Your safe word is chrysanthemum, say that at any point and I’ll let you go” He pulls back to look you in the eyes, “I don’t play soft. If you agree to this, then you’re mine. Your holes are mine and mine alone to play with, and I’ll use them as I like.” His eyes narrow slightly, “And this is only an after-hours agreement, you hear me? Don’t expect special treatment because you became your captain’s slut. Outside of here, you’re still just another shitty cadet, got it?”  
  
  
You swallow, but once again meet his eyes without flinching. You’re getting what you want out of this too, and you’re not going to let him scare you away from it. “Understood, _Levi"_ you say without a single waver in your voice. He looks at you, hesitating just for a moment, making sure you fully understand the terms he set before you. When you grin back, he snaps, “Tell me your safe word”  
  
  
“Chrysanthemum”  
  
  
“Good, now are you ready to let me have my way with you?”  
  
  
“I don’t think I can wait another second”  
  
  
In a flurry, your shirt is pulled over your head. He forces his lips against your once again as his hands start caressing your chest underneath your bra, the cool fingertips teasing your nipples until they’re erect. He plants kisses down your neck and starts unfastening your bra, all the while you are greedily grabbing the ends of his shirt and lifting it over his head. He leans back to discard the garment along with the rest of your clothes, yanking down your pants, underwear, and boots in one gesture. He looks at how wet your panties are as he works the rest of his clothes off and the smirk returns.  
  
  
“I can’t believe you’ve restrained yourself all this time when you are so clearly leaking for me” he chimes at you, satisfaction ringing in his voice.  
  
  
You blush at how truthful his words are, _Oh well, I've come this far already._  
  
  
For the first time, you see Levi standing completely bare in front of you. The moonlight hits his frame so perfectly that you think you'll have the image ingrained in your brain forever. The smooth and well-defined muscles. The pattern of permanent scars years of ODM gear straps have left along his shoulders and thighs. The raven black hair and the drops of sweat rolling their way down his face and neck. You're almost upset that no one else gets to appreciate just how beautiful this man it.  
  
  
“You seem pretty riled up yourself, despite just shooting your load down my throat” you respond coolly, reaching out your leg so that your toes nudge the cock that grew hard again after seeing you naked, sprawled out on top of his sheets.  
  
  
“Tch”, he remarks, and then all of a sudden he is on top of you once again. But this time it’s different. Skin on skin, his own heat melting into yours. Your tongues dance together, and you feel your nipple tug in between his fingers. He circles it for a while before tracing down the line of your abs with his fingertips, electricity sparking along the way. His hand comes to rest over the throbbing nub and you pull back from him to bite your lip, stiffening a groan.  
  
  
There is a slight sadistic chuckle as he starts marking your neck, "Let me hear that voice of yours, Reader, you're not allowed to keep anything from me."  
  
  
He rubs your clit harder and you can no longer restrain the sounds that escape you, rich with lust. "Please, touch me more" you whimper at him, submission flickering in your eyes asbyou beg him to ravish you. _I can’t believe I just said that._  
  
  
"Not just yet" he replies. His fingers have now moved down to stroke your slit, your slick coating his fingertips as he teases his middle finger at your opening. "Tell me, Reader, has anyone else ever touched this pretty little pussy of yours?" He inserts his finger completely, slowly, memorizing each fold that he encounters, "Were you slutty enough to go as far to show this to your Commander, perhaps?" he asks, and you hear the edge in his voice.  
  
  
Your mind is foggy. "No" you breathe, with what little coherence you have. "Only you, Levi. You're the only one I would ever allow to touch me. You're the only one I want." It’s the truth.  
  
  
This seems to please him, and he pulls his finger out to give your pussy a slap. You gasp at the noise it makes, the pain pulling you back to reality and giving you something to hold on to. The tingling feeling it leaves behind makes you even wetter.  
  
  
"Good" he growls back to you, "From now on, I have complete ownership over this pussy. If anyone else dares to touch it, I'll rip off their fingernails off one by one, understand?"

"Yes" you breathe. His possessive words bring you one level higher.   
  
  
He lowers himself between your legs and spreads your folds apart. You feel his breath against your opening and hold your breath for what you know is about to come, anticipation seeping out of you for his hungry eyes. "You really have the prettiest pussy. And I'm the only one who gets to eat it."  
  
  
And with that, his begins to feast. His tongue licks up the length of your slit, slowly at first, gathering every drop he can. He suckles around your folds, your thighs, your ass, everywhere that you've dripped your nectar so far. The sensation is overwhelming and your thighs begin to shake as you grasp the sheets around you to steady yourself.  
  
  
"Don't move your legs, I want you nice and spread for me" he grunts against your sex as he forces your legs up, giving him full view of your pussy. His mouth latches on and you feel his tongue push its way inside of you. The feeling is foreign and you struggle to keep yourself in position as you feel your insides involuntarily squirming against him. He eats you out without any hesitation, pushing into the deepest parts of you and drinking you in, like a man parched as if he'd been wandering in the desert for days until finally finding an oasis in you.  
  
  
 _Hoooly fuck._ At this point, you can't even believe the noises you’re making. Or the sounds that are coming from down below you. You didn't think it was possible to feel this good, and at the same time, it isn't enough. You roll your hips against his mouth, guiding his tongue to just the right spot. He shoots a possessive arm around your waist to hold you down. You can feel his lips curl into a smile and he moves up to take care of your clit. He closes his mouth over it and tongues it gently. The sensation is enough to send you spiraling and you would have come then and there if not for his command.  
  
  
"Don't you dare come until I allow you to" he says against you. The movement of his mouth feels strange against you and it takes all your willpower to hold back the fireworks you can feel begging to explode behind your eyes. "This pussy is mine and I'm the one who decides how long I get to play with your clit before you come."  
  
  
You groan in response and feel two fingers slip into you. With his other hand, he raises the fold of skin to expose more of your clit and begins tonguing you hard and relentlessly. Rhythmically, he thrusts his fingers and tongues you until you feel every muscle in you tense and shake, begging for release. Your hand grabs the back of his head and smashes his face even deeper into your sex. This makes him even more excited and he starts making audible grunts against you, and the sound brings you to the edge.  
  
  
"Please!" you beg at him, tears forming at the corner of your eyes.

"Come" he says calmly and thrusts his fingers as deep as they will go as his mouth closes over your clit.

Immediately, you come with the force of a hurricane at his command. Your hand releases from the back of his head, only to have your legs wrap around him as you twist and turn over his blankets, the muscles in your body spasming with a power unequal to anything never experienced before. It’s as if every nerve ending in your body is lit on fire. Even through your eyes are closed, you see flashes of colors explode behind your eyelids. All you can think about is him. _Levi._  
  
  
He lazily licks circles around your clit and rubs your pussy from the inside to prolong your orgasm, and when you finally stop shaking, he moves up to plant a wet kiss over your mouth. You can taste yourself on him and the sinfulness of it all makes you moan again, wrapping your legs around him. Despite just coming, you feel empty without his fingers inside you, and you start grinding your throbbing and dripping opening against his hard cock. The heat of it against you makes your eyelids flutter as you gaze into the bottomless blue of his eyes.

  
  
For just a moment, you can see yourself in them, and he in yours. You both pause then, holding each other. When was the last time either of you were able to appreciate another person's warmth like this? How long has it been since you felt this vulnerable? This human? Even though your limbs are wrapped around one another, your eyes bring you closer together than anything else can. You don’t need to say a word to know that your feelings are the same in that moment. You calm your breathing the best you can and force your heartrate down a little. You want to savor every moment that is about to come instead of attacking him like a mad dog in heat. 

  
  
"Are you ready?" he whispers at you. He is surprisingly tender in that moment, his eyes scanning your face for any signs of pain or hesitation. A palm cradles your face and wipes away a stray tear from your jawline.  
  
  
In response, you press your lips back against his and position your hips, spreading your legs to allow him easier access. He takes a deep breath in and reaches down to grab his dick. He rubs it back and forth a few times over your slit, gathering its slickness over the tip. Your muscles involuntarily clench at the sensation and the movement doesn't escape him. "Relax" he mutters into your hair as he gently rubs your clit, inserting the tip of his cock into your opening. He stays there for just a moment as you take a deep breath in. On the exhale, you feel him push in, all in one go. Your breath catches sharply in your throat and you choke a little, every nerve in your body electrified.  
  
  
He is watching your face the whole time and has the decency to pause while you adjust to the feeling of him being totally inside you. Of the two of you being connected. You look at him them, eyes clear and full of acceptance for everything this man is. He kisses you, briefly, and pulls out slowly just so that the tip remains, then rams in again. You let out a choked scream as he slams into you, spreading your walls and filling your insides. He begins to move in sincerity now, his breath coming in puffs around your ears. He kisses your neck, leaving marks along the way, before enclosing his teeth over your pulse point. You rake your fingertips down his back and wrap your legs around him, thrusting your hips in time with his.  
  
  
Both of you are ravenously touching every part of the other you can. His broad shoulders. Your slim collarbone. His abs. Your breasts. His thick back muscles. Your slim waist. You don't how long it's been until you feel yourself approaching completion once more. You reach down to try and touch yourself, but his hand slams yours above your head. "You're not allowed to touch what's mine" he hisses in your ear, voice straining.  
  
  
"Levi" you cry to him "I'm so close, please let me come. Let me come for you. You're the only one who can make me feel this way, you are the only one I ever want inside of me. You are the only one who gets to see me like this, so please finish me off!”  
  
  
It's the first time you've begged him for anything, and it riles him up even more. The normally stand-offish and moody cadet, now mewling and squirming underneath him. He looks down to where he can see his dick entering you and moans against your mouth but rewards you all the same and you feel him start rubbing your clit with the same urgency that he thrusts into you. "Come" he commands, and immediately you throw your head back and let out the most primordial scream as your insides clamp down around him. He exclaims at the sensation and pushes in you three more times before pulling out and releasing his seed over your stomach.

You lay there twitching and panting for a while. You are absolutely spent and your legs are still shaking. When your head finally clears, you move your eyes to the ceiling above his bed, unsure of what to do next but completely sure that if you look at him now, you'll say something stupid and ruin the whole moment.   
  
  
He moves from the bed and you hear him in the adjoining bathroom, the water running. _Damn, I just fucked Captain Levi._ You try to wrap your head around it, but even though his dick was slamming into you a few minutes ago, you still can't quite comprehend what just happened. A few moments pass and he returns, freshened up with a clean pair of pants on. You can't help but feel a little disappointed you don't get to see him naked again. Rising to your elbows, you turn to face him.   
  
  
“Stay put" he murmurs, his eyes looking down at the cloth in his hands, "You're filthy and I don't want you dirtying anything else in here"  
  
  
 _Arrogant fucker,_ you think. "Hmph" you pout, "And whose fault is that?"  
  
  
Wordlessly, he begins wiping the products of the night’s activities from your stomach. You gape slightly at him, not expecting him to clean you up, but he continues to gently wipe down your body and legs, leaving the cool sensation of clean water behind. He gently presses the cold towel against your neck and only then are you aware of the stinging bite marks that dot your neck and shoulders. He keeps his eyes down and for just a moment, you see a flash of apology flicker through his face. You keep quiet but continue observing his face, looking for the smallest hint of emotion to show itself again.  
  
  
Once he is satisfied, he returns to the bathroom and you roll over to find your shirt. You pull it over your head and grab your panties as well, leaving the rest of your clothes strewn out on the floor. He comes back empty handed to see you sitting with your back to him on the opposite end of the bed, collecting your boots next to you. You make eye contact then, and the air between you starts with slight awkwardness you attribute to your own naivety and inexperience. And also, his general demeanor as an arrogant asshole.   
  
  
Do you want me to go?" you ask lightly.  
  
  
Something flashes in his face then, but you're not able to discern what. He stays quiet for a moment, then responds in his normal, atonal voice. "Not unless you want to."  
  
  


 _Good enough for me._ You know that's the best you'll get, and with a satisfied sigh, you huddle under his covers and roll over, facing him. Was it a bad idea to stay in the captain's room overnight? Definitely. But at that moment, you are too high on endorphins and too spent from your sexcapades to care. You close your eyes and are certain that sleep is but a moment away from you.  
  
  
He watches your face for a moment, the way your hair gently drapes over your face and how the shadows from your eyelashes dance over your cheeks and freckles in the flickering candlelight. Finally, deciding you aren’t an immediate threat, he stretches out on the opposite side of the bed. You hear his bedside drawer open and close and soon, the scent of cigarette smoke soon fills your nose. Your peek your eyes open to see him laid back over the covers, legs crossed with an arm behind his head, the other tapping the butt of a cigarette over an ashtray. You follow the small light of the cigarette as he brings it to his lips and takes a long draw, illuminating his face and making him look more handsome than you thought was possible. The smoke he exhales seems to linger for a moment around his perfect features before disappearing.  
  
  
The space between you is too far. You wriggle over until you are close enough to extend a hand to rest over his heart. He starts, and the arm behind his hand moves as if to knock yours away, but you don't make any more movements. You are too tired, the feeling of his heartbeat under your fingers is too comforting. He stays on guard for a moment, but soon your breath is shallow and rhythmic as you fall asleep next to him.  
  
  
 _As he draws on his cigarette, Levi looks as the familiar swirls of smoke disappear as they escape towards the ceiling. He is careful to not drop any ashes onto his covers. He continues smoking, eventually becoming relaxed enough to pay attention to the delicate hand that is draped over his heart. He doesn't hate the warmth._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT IS FINALLY HERE, PEOPLE! Expect some canon new-relationship excitement for a while (ie smut fest hehehe). I made a few tweaks to keep it accurate, but I think it's improved from the one-shot. 
> 
> I'm so happy Reader finally got some. I love love love this chapter, tbh. I tried really hard to put feelings in where I could. I feel like an emotional aspect exponentially levels up the porniness and makes it hit differently. To those of you who read the one-shot before the rest of this story, did this chapter live up to your expectations? Is it even more impactful now that you have an idea of who Reader and Levi are?
> 
> I will do my best to keep it nasty from now on ;) I don't think I know how to write smut but hopefully it is ~acceptable~ 
> 
> As always, comments are loved and appreciated.
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	10. Self Control

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get fucked on Levi's desk.

Your eyes flutter open. The room is shrouded in darkness, but you can hear the soft breathing of Levi next to you. You remain completely still as you look up at his sleeping face, drinking it all in. His heart beats underneath your fingertips, and you feel warm all the way down to your toes. You don’t want to leave him, but every alarm in your brain is going off telling you otherwise. You don’t think your morning breath would be something that he wants to wake up to. Reluctantly slipping your hand away, you get up from his bed as quietly as you can and pull on the rest of your clothes. Boots in hand, you make your way towards the door. You’ve only pulled it open a few inches before a hand slams it closed behind you.  
  
  
Levi whips you around and presses you against the door, “Where do you think you’re going?” His voice is steely and his face is inches from yours. _How the hell is he always so quiet?_  
  
  
“Um, back to my room?” you offer.  
  
  
“After you were the one insisting on staying the night?”  
  
  
 _Excuse me? That sure as hell didn’t happen._ “I just thought you would be more comfortable if I weren’t here in the morning.”  
  
  
He gives a little huff, “Oh? So now think you know what I want now? How presumptuous” He inches closer to you, the heat of his body radiating on yours. “Get this in your head, Reader. Whether you leave or not, it’s up to me, not you. I had sex with you because it feels good, and I don’t plan on stopping anytime soon. But that’s it. Don’t start getting in your head that anything else about our relationship has changed. Outside of here, you’re nothing but another one of my soldiers, understand?” As if to test you, he presses his leg in between yours and your breath catches a little. But you were never one to back down from a challenge.   
  
  
You smirk up at him and move your leg forward to rub against his crotch, “Roger” you whisper into his ear.  
  
  
His eyes flash and the next thing you know, his lips are on yours, tongue forcing its way into your mouth, possessively claiming ownership of you. It takes your breath away and you’re a little disappointed when he breaks it. “Good, now get out.” He narrows his dark eyes at you, opens the door and roughly pushes you out, slamming it shut behind you.  
  
  
 _What the hell?_ You think, as you make your way to the barracks under the dim moonlight. He either has you at his complete mercy or is throwing you out flat on your ass. You quiet the thoughts that are bubbling up inside of you, knowing that overthinking would help nothing. As you quietly slip yourself under the covers, you replay not the actions, but the emotions you felt throughout the night. Your Captain was clear: this is a physical thing only. And you weren’t about to blow it by mistaking the physiologic response your body has to him with emotional attachment. Scene by scene, you try and recall if you felt anything towards him that could potentially be a red flag. You don’t. Satisfied, you clear your mind and wait for sleep to take you again. _Has my bed always felt this cold?_  
  
  
  
  
  
Despite your punishment being over, you still bring Captain Levi tea in the morning and help him with his paperwork at night, having gotten used to the routine. With just one little addition: sex, and lots of it. It was as if the floodgates were open after a long drought. You both feebly attempt to stay professional and get as much work done as you can, but all it takes is for the two of you to glance up at each other at the same time, and the next think you know, you’re tearing off your clothes in a frenzy and getting tangled up in his bedsheets, moaning in ecstasy the whole time. You couldn’t get enough of each other.  
  
  
In the bedroom, he is tender but possessive with you. He licks up and down your body, memorizing every reaction and finding erogenous zones you didn’t even know you had. His hands are rough as he greedily handles you. Every night is spent in fervor, as if it is your last night alive. You start discovering more about his body too. Learning to read the little signs that signal pleasure, and those that mean you need to adjust yourself a little. He gradually allows you access to every part of his body, and you could spend all night marveling at how beautiful he is. Every muscle is toned after years of combat, you could spend a lifetime licking them.   
  
  
While the sex is fan-fucking-tastic, you relish in the after care, too. He always cleans you up in silence while you watch him through satisfied eyelids, following his face. He has thick, hooded eyelids and a prominent brown bone. The combination gives him perpetual bedroom eyes and you wonder how you didn't notice it before. You quickly decide that his eyes are your favorite thing about him. Well, his eyes and one other thing. You become accustomed to falling asleep to the smell of cigarette smoke and feeling his heartbeat under your fingers.  
  
  
“Do you always smoke before bed?” you asked him once, genuinely curious.  
  
  
He glanced down and you, eyes warm in the candlelight, “Usually. It’s hard for me to feel relaxed enough to fall asleep without it.”  
  
  
“You mean after what we just did, you don’t feel relaxed enough to fall asleep?”  
  
  
His mouth twitches and he draws on the cigarette again, “Force of habit, I guess. Get to sleep.”  
  
  
You never stay the night, sneaking out after you think he’s fallen asleep or in the wee hours of the morning. You liked waking up in your own bed, and you didn’t want rumors to start spreading if the other female soldiers started noticing your empty bed in the morning. As promised, he is still full on assholey to you during squad-related activities. The rest of the squad notices how you spend more time in his office, but brush it off as Captain Levi taking advantage of the youngest member, making you do tedious work for him. You notice Petra's eyes on you more and more when the squad is all together, flicking between you and Captain Levi, scrutinizing your actions. You don't give her anything to worry about, though. While you are working, you can flip on your soldier switch and turn of all other thoughts, the two of you having a strictly Captain-soldier relationship. But this doesn’t mean that the switch can’t flip at the right opportunity. Like right now.  
  
  
It takes only the smallest motion. Like brushing a strand of hair behind your ear to reveal your neck while leaning in to put down a stack of papers. The next think you know, his lips are on your neck and his arm is around your waist, pulling into on his lap. _I could get used to this._ You moan softly and wrap your arms around his head, stroking the black hair softly. He hates when you mess up his hair during work hours, so you’re careful to not make him too disheveled. You straddle him and push your chest against his, riling him up. His hands wrap around you to grab your ass, expertly loosening the straps that stand in his way. He likes exhaling softly into your mouth before shooting his tongue in, gliding first over the back of your teeth before wrapping itself around yours.  
  
  
Your whole body gets warm and you feel yourself dripping as you grind yourself over him slowly, feeling his crotch get hard. You want his pants off of him now and reach down to start undoing his harnesses while he unbuttons your shirt. You pull apart for some air and go in to nibble at his earlobe, nuzzling your way down until your nose is resting in the crook of his neck. He wraps a hand around the back of your head and strokes your hair a few times. You inhale deeply, the scent of his cologne has become a comforting addiction for you, and he always waits to let you have these little moments to calm yourself when you need them. You liked that about him.  
  
  
There is a sudden knock on the door and Levi immediately pushes you off his lap, underneath his desk. The back of your head, which he was tenderly stroking just seconds ago, slams into the wood and you curse at him through clenched teeth, eyes flashing up at him in annoyance.  
  
  
You see the amusement in his eyes as he glances down at you, using his feet to shove the rest of you in hiding under his desk, “Come in” he says, completely calm, as if he wasn’t fondling your breasts a minute earlier. _What an arrogant bastard._  
  
  
“LEVIII!” Hange bursts in. “Oh? Where is Reader? I could have sworn she was in here with you.”  
  
  
“You just missed her,” Levi responds casually, “What do you want? I’m busy.”  
  
  
Hange starts firing off to him, some things work related, some things completely random and off-topic. She has never been one to get quickly to the point in a casual conversation. You are huddled impatiently under the cramped desk, arms curled around your knees. You feel a little guilty, but you wish she’d leave soon. The warm feeling in your lower belly is fading, and you knew Levi’s excitement would be dying down too. Making out with him during daylight hours is exhilarating, and you don’t want it to end.  
  
  
From where you are sitting, you are eye to crotch, and a smile crosses your face when you see that he is still hard. Moving onto your knees, you reach forward and gently place a hand on his knee before making your way up his inner thigh. At your touch, he scoots his chair a little further under your desk, hiding more of his lower body but subsequently giving you less room to work with. He doesn’t seem to be rushing Hange along at all, calmly giving her short replies and lazily writing something down here and there. You want him to be more bothered, to give himself away.  
  
  
Slowly, so as not to make any noise, you unzip his pants and reach in to stroke him. His cock is hard and erect through his underwear and you lean in to nuzzle him. You let a little spittle dribble from your mouth onto the fabric and begin moving your mouth slowly up and down. His dick twitches in response, but he gives no other reaction. _Nothing yet, huh?_ Unsatisfied with your response, you pull his boxers out of the way and begin stroking him raw. Your hand moves down to his base to gently cradle his ball sack and you tongue circles the tip. You let your saliva drip down until he is wet and glistening. You take your hands and stroke his inner thighs lovingly before leaning forward to take him down your throat. You’re used to him by now and can take him all in one go, careful to not hit your uvula. Choking or coughing right now was not an option.  
  
  
Slowly at first, you start sucking him off. _Still nothing_. His voice is completely flat as he talks back and forth with Hange, head resting on the back of his hand and looking bored. You pick up the pace and start flicking your tongue to tease his tip. You know how much he likes it.  
  
  
Suddenly, you feel the top of his foot press up between your legs and you have to stop yourself from moaning. You squeeze your legs together and try and increase what little friction there is. You look up at him, but he remains stoic _That’s pretty impressive, to be honest,_ you think. He has a completely flat affect, giving no indication that you were on your knees in front of him, teary eyed. His foot presses harder against you, moving in small circles.  
  
  
Your jaw starts to get tired and you’re struggling to breathe a little. You don’t know if he notices, but you hear the conversation with Hange wrapping up.  
  
  
“See you later, Levi!” Hange calls, “and if Reader come back, be sure to tell her I said hi!”  
  
  
“I’m sure she hears you loud and clear.”  
  
  
The door closes shut, and Levi takes in one deep breathe. Then, he shoots his chair back and grabs your hair, pulling you forward against his cock. The glass wall of composure shatters as he controls the motion of your head, looking down at you. His breathing is suddenly ragged and his face twists in concentration, eyes boring into your face. He loves to look at where his cock is entering your body, whichever hole that may be.  
  
  
“Fuck” he growls, “You must like it when I shove you against my cock, don’t you? Isn’t that why you try to piss me off all the time?”  
  
  
You can’t say anything, but a tear rolls down your cheek. Your jaw is killing you and you’re a little regretful now that it’s taking so long. You tap his right knee twice to signal him, and he understands. You do everything you know he likes and he picks up the pace even faster. He has to bite his lip to keep from moaning too loudly as he jolts down your throat, twitching a few times before he’s done.  
  
  
You let him go with a pop and lean back, panting. His hand releases your hair and moves to wipe away your tears. No matter how rough he gets, he always takes care of you after. It shouldn't surprise you, he takes good care of his possessions. You crawl up his legs and begin to sit back on his lap, but are instead pushed roughly against his desk. _This is so fucking hot,_ your heart beats faster as the edge of his desk presses against the back of your thighs. He kisses you with urgency and his hands shoots into your panties, stroking you hard and feeling how wet you’ve become.  
  
  
“I can’t believe you got this wet just sucking me off” he teases you, kissing his way down your neck onto your exposed collarbone, making you pant harder.  
  
  
All he needs to do is get within a few feet of you with less than wholesome intentions and you get wet, which he knows. “Shut up, you emotionless asshole” you say, pulling his head closer to you. With your other hand, you grab his hand through the outside of your pants to hold him in place and begin grinding his fingers, your body begging his to please you. You don’t care how slutty it is, you are going to get what you want. He seems to like the challenge.  
  
  
“Getting confident, are we?” he whispers into your ear. Suddenly, you’re spun around so that your back is to him, hands stabilizing yourself on the desk. He grabs underneath your chin and makes you face the doorway. “What do you think people will say if they walk in here and see you getting fucked by your captain in broad daylight? Do you even know how erotic of a face you’re making right now?” His voice is impossibly seductive against your ear and your eyelids flutter. He slips two fingers into your mouth and you begin licking and suckling on them.  
  
  
“Are you okay” you struggle to speak against the extra digits, “having other people see what belongs to you out on display like this, then?” You arch your back so that your ass is rubbing against his still exposed cock. Turning towards him, you lean in to lick his lips once before planting a kiss on them, letting him see the lust in your eyes.   
  
  
He shoves his fingers into you and you hang your head forward and groan, pushing your hips back against his fingers. With his other hand, he quickly undoes the last strap of your harness and pulls down your pants and underwear. He bites your shoulder and begins rubbing your clit and fingering you all at once. The feeling is amazing, but you reach back to rub his cock, letting him know what you want. It is hard and hot in your fingers.   
  
  
He doesn’t waste anytime, impatient on his own end. You feel him spread you from behind, giving you ass a hard slap. The feeling makes you horny beyond belief, and you almost come the second he shoves into you.  
  
  
“Fuck,” he moans into your hair, “How are you still this fucking tight?” he plants kisses down your back as he pounds you and you shiver, all the while rocking your hips back into him. His grip on your hips is hard enough to bruise, but you don’t care. You love the sounds he makes during sex, obsessed with the sense of achievement you feel when you’re able to draw out the deep and sinful sounds from his chest. Your bodies are perfect together. Every part of you seems to fit perfectly with his, like you were made for him and vice versa. His hand move forward until they are on top of yours, which are grabbing his desk for support. He intertwines his fingers with yours, and you feel yourself tightening even more around him.   
  
  
_Getting fucked from behind over Levi’s desk. I must be a lunatic._ Maybe you are, but who cares. “Levi,” you moan, turning your head, searching for his mouth. He lips lock onto yours and a hand snakes forward, but instead of touching your clit like you’re begging for, he moves his hand further back to your opening. You gasp as you feel him slip a finger in alongside his dick. It feels so strange and wonderful, your vision gets blurry. He rubs you from the inside as he licks down your jaw to the back of your ear, inhaling your vanilla and peony scent. You're not very feminine in a lot of things, and he knows that he's the only one who gets to be this close enough to taste your sweet perfume on your neck. It drives him wild.  
  
  
“Tell me” he growls into your ear, adding another finger into your pussy. The feeling of him rubbing your sensitive spot from the inside while his dick is moving in and out of you is almost too much, and spots begin to form in your vision.  
  
  
“Yours is the only one I want” you whisper quickly into his ear, grabbing the back of his head to pull him closer to you. “I’m yours alone to play with, and you’re the only man on this planet who knows how to please me.” You know he relishes this moment the most. It’s a sick game, but it turns both of you on beyond reason. In the moment when he feels you're about to finish, in your most vulnerable state, he wants to hear all the things you’d never tell him otherwise. Only now, when you are barely coherent and begging for release, do you ever fully tell him the truth. How good he makes you feel. How mad you are for him. “If it’s not your cock, I can never be satisfied. Wherever you go, let me come with you.” 

  
  
Pleased at your offering, he removes his fingers from your pussy and starts rubbing your clit hard. It’s not long before you feel the contractions start building up. “Come” he says, before kissing you again. You clench down hard and lose strength in your legs. If it wasn’t for the strong arm that was around your waist, you would have collapsed. Your vision gets blurry and you whimper against his lips, tongue desperately licking the inside of his mouth. _He tastes so good._ He moans loudly against your mouth as you he feels your insides clamp down around him and he barely pulls out in time to catch himself in his hand.  
  
  
You collapse over his desk, shaking, trying to steady your breath. It was your first time doing it in his office, and you were satisfied with the chain of events. Once the waves of pleasure subside, you stand upright. Moving quickly now, you let himself into his adjoining bedroom and grab some towels from his bathroom. You wipe yourself off and head back to him, holding his hands to wipe them clean. You know how much he hates messes. His eyes follow you the whole time, roles reversed from usual. You smile up at him briefly, looking at his blue eyes and tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. You both know that you’re really cuddly and touchy after sex. You hate that about yourself, but what can you do. The hormones pulsing through your body are too sweet, and this is the man that made it happen. You bring his clean hand to lips and give it the briefest of kisses, then leave to discard of the dirty towels.  
  
  
When you come back, the switch is back on. Both of you help the other into your harnesses and then start thinking about what works needs to be done.  
  
  
“Pick up this mess, cadet.” He scowls at you, scrunching his nose at the scattered papers on the floor.  
  
  
 _When he’s on, he’s definitely on._ You don’t know how his resolution phase can be so short, but squat down to get the papers in order regardless. Once you’re finished, you give him a quick salute and turn to leave his office.  
  
  
"One more thing, Reader." he calls out.   
  
  
You hesitate in the doorway, waiting for him to continue.   
  
  
"Hange says hi." he says nonchalantly. You grin and walk out, closing the door to his office behind you.   
  
  
_Absolutely arrogant fucker._ Still in a good mood, you set off to find Hange and discuss some new designs the two have you been working on, humming as you go. She’s noticed your recent improvement in mood, and when she asked you about it, you simply responded, “I just picked up a new hobby recently.” To her annoyance, you would not explain any further, no matter how much she bugged you. You know she has her suspicions, but in her normal fashion of research, she'll try and gather more evidence before confronting you about anything, and you know she won't find any.   
  
  
_It’s just hormones and dopamine_. _A chemical reaction, a neuronal response. Purely physiological, nothing more._ You've gotten into the habit of repeating the little ritual to yourself, always making sure your mind is in the right place. The last thing you want to do was catch feelings for a man that wants nothing to do with you outside of the bedroom, and now, office. You've calmed down by the time you find her and give her a wide smile, your good mood frustrating her once again. One of her theories is that something is going on between you and Levi, but she was just in his office, and you were nowhere to be seen.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
_Levi watches as you quickly dress yourself and head into his bathroom. You comes back refreshed and move briskly to wipe him off. He trusts that you’ll get everything; he knows you hate messes. He isn’t used to being the one that gets cleaned off, not normally liking how it feels when someone fusses over him. You, however, are almost an exception. When you are working on something, that is the only thing you are focused on. Whether it’s creating a custom-made handle for him or wiping his own seed from his hand. He briefly lets himself savor these small moments, enjoying the way your eyebrows furl as you double check to make sure his hand is spotless. Once you’re satisfied, you smile at him and press his fingers to your lips for the briefest moment. It catches him by surprise._ What is this? _The emotion that hits is foreign to him. He tries to ignore it.  
  
  
But the feeling lingers when you leave. It makes his heart beat a little faster and his stomach turn. Was it disgust? No, he was very familiar with that emotion and this wasn’t it. Looking down, he open and closes his hands a few times, the sensation of your lips on his fingers still fresh in his memory. _She wasn’t trying anything sexual… _Friendship? Not that either, he’s experienced plenty of that in his lifetime and this wasn’t the same. He wasn’t having any post-sex good feelies either, that was Reader’s thing. The feeling makes him uncomfortable. He wants to see you again soon so he can get to the bottom of it._  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So turns out I can either write plot or porn, not both. So here's another smut chapter for ya! I feel like getting puthay pounded from behind over Levi's desk is a collective fantasy that the whole fandom shares, and here is my take on it. 
> 
> Oooooo who's the simp now, huh? I really pulled the reverse card on probably 99% of other fics out there and decided that Reader would NOT be an simp or sex addict. She is a healthy, independent young woman who is realistic and in touch with her emotions (okay, maybe I'm projecting a little bit here...). I'm excited where this is going, even if this chapter was pretty much just me being nasty. I'm here for soft Levi not being able to understand feelings *seagull noises*
> 
> Real question though: is my smut writing any good? I just kinda flow with an idea and hope that what I finish is somewhat acceptable for the degenerate community. Appreciate and love all comments as always.
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


	11. Look Me In The Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have a sleepover planned with Hange, but Levi has other ideas for you.

“Raise the gates!” Commander Erwin booms, and your squad takes off. He has ordered a mini expedition beyond the walls, but only with a few of the top squads. This will be the farthest you’ve ever gone, and your stomach is fluttering with excitement. As you leave the gates of Wall Rose behind you, you feel the familiar rush of happiness as fresh air fills your lungs, the wind whipping your hair long behind you. Your flares and tucked into your belt, ready to fire and communicate with the other squads if required. Commander Erwin is trying out a new scouting formation, and you did not want to mess it up. You ride without complication for a while, changing course as necessary and the flanks signal the occasional titan sighting.  
  
  
The squad reaches the checkpoint for the day’s expedition without any trouble, stopping to investigate some small, abandoned towns along the way. Satisfied, Commander Erwin fires his green flare into the air, indicating that it is time to head back to headquarters. You tug on Turnip’s reigns and follow behind the rest of your squad back to the wall. Your mind wanders for most of it, dreamily watching the hills roll past and the flocks of birds that circle above you. The long journey has made your sit bones a little sorer than you are used to. The wind rustles a nearby patch of trees in front of you, revealing a pair of fingers wrapped around one of the lower branches.  
  
  
_A pair of fingers that shouldn’t be there._ “Captain!” you yell, a split second too late. He whips his head around and his eyes meet yours for a split second, immediately reading the alarm on your face. A huge hand shoots out as you ride by, and you see a flash of orange as Petra is plucked from her horse with a scream. You don’t hesitate to fire the red flare from your belt, then swing Turnip around. You climb on top of him as you approach the group of titans, eyes narrowed.  
  
  
“Petra!” Captain Levi yells, and the rest of your squad prepares for battle. You shoot up and take down two titans easily, hearing more giants collapsing next to you. Your heart is racing and adrenaline is pumping through your body. The feeling of titan flesh splitting under your blades is so satisfying, the flashes of red that spurt towards you as the fall underneath you. Soon, the ground around you is steaming with the body of dead titans, felled by you and your comrades. Another yell, and you look to see the titan that grabbed Petra slowly bringing her to his open mouth. Her arms are pinned to her sides and her feet are kicking futilely. _Give her back!_ You shoot towards her and cut off the titan’s hand in one slash of your sword, before swinging around it in a wide ark. You pull the trigger to wind your hook and shoot towards the titan from behind, slashing his neck with deadly accuracy.  
  
  
Finally, you stop to take a breath and look around you. The rest of Squad Levi has killed every last titan and are now helping Petra up. There is a some blood running down her arm from where she landed, but other than that, she looks fine.  
  
  
“Are you alright?” Captain Levi says, rushing up to her.  
  
  
“Yes” she says shakily, looking up at him. The rest of the squad are gathered around her, and you go to collect everyone’s horses, used to this kind of scenario. Bringing them around, you look at the signal Commander Erwin fired in response.  
  
  
“The Commander adjusted our course a little, we should get out of here before any more titans can catch up to us.” You tell them. Everyone gets back on their horse and starts out again. Captain Levi helps Petra back on her horse. S _he can definitely do that with one arm…  
  
  
  
  
_“Take care of her” Captain Levi says curtly, throwing you Kuchel’s reigns. The rest of the squad follows suit, and you wonder when the subtle hazing will finally stop. Sighing, you lead everyone’s horses back to their stalls and one by one, remove their gear and give them a quick brush down, patting them affectionately and murmuring comforting praises to them for their hard work today. Once you finish, you toss Turnip and apple and head back towards the main building. Two people are sitting outside on the porch.  
  
  
Petra is sitting on the steps, next to Captain Levi. He has a first aid kit with him and is wrapping a bandage around her arm. She is looking up at him and no-so-subtly batting her eyelashes. As you get closer, you can hear their conversation more clearly. “Thank you for helping save me today, Captain” she says to him. _Unbelievable!_ You think. _If I recall correctly, I’m the one that killed the titan that grabbed you._ The cut doesn’t look that bad, and you are almost certain that she slap a band-aid on it herself. You don’t really mind that she hangs on the captain every chance she gets, it’s just her behavior in general that rubs you the wrong way. You can’t stand clingy people. _It’s pretty obvious what she’s doing, but I guess guys like that kind of thing._ Who doesn’t like saving the pretty damsel in distress? Even though it was you saving her most of the time. You snort to yourself and try ignore them.   
  
  
You don’t say anything as you walk past, keeping your eyes down in front of you. You miss how Levi's eyes flash up to you and follow you for a moment, silently evaluating whether you are hiding any injuries of your own. He knows you don't like asking for help. In the mess hall, Hange runs up to you excitedly. “Reader! Are you ready for tonight?” For the longest time, Hange has been pestering you for a sleepover, and you finally gave in today, since Commander Erwin has given all of you the morning off tomorrow.  
  
  
“Hell yeah” you say to her, grinning. She had even swiped a few bottles of wine from the captains’ storehouse, and you were ready for an absolutely crazy night with her.   
  
  
Finishing up your dinner, you head back to room and take a quick shower, toweling your hair somewhat dry. It is so long, it takes forever to dry completely, and you crack a window hoping to speed up the process. You pack a small bag for the night and head over to Captain Levi’s office, ready to give your report before heading over to Hange’s room. _I bet Petra is still in there_ you think to yourself as you rap the door to his office twice. You're somewhat relieved to find him in there alone, and give him the most straightforward report that you can, keeping your face neutral. You feel a little annoyed for some reason, but refuse to even entertain the thought of jealousy.   
  
  
He narrows his eyes when he sees the bag slung over your shoulder. “What the hell is that?”  
  
  
You roll your eyes, _possessive motherfucker_ “I’m spending the night with Hange.” You tell him.  
  
  
“And why the fuck would you do that?”  
  
  
“Because, she’s my friend and we’re having a girl’s night.”  
  
  
“Girl’s night?” he scoffs, “And what does that entail?”  
  
  
You keep a completely straight face, “It means we’re going to braid each other’s hair, have pillow fights, and talk about our changing bodies.”  
  
  
His eyes flash, “I don’t think I gave you permission for that.” His voice suddenly has a dangerous edge to it.  
  
  
Your eyes meet him in challenge, “With all due respect, _Captain_ , I don’t think you get a say in what I do after hours.”  
  
  
He looks at you calmly, chin resting on his fingers. Then in a flash, he’s grabs you and shoves you through the door that leads to his bedroom, jerking your arm painfully. Your bag falls from your shoulder and onto his office floor with a thud. Your heartbeat quickens as you feel his heat mingle with yours.   
  
  
He presses you into the wall, leg forcing its way between yours, and shoves his face into your still damp hair, inhaling your clean scent and fighting the urge to completely wreck you. He wants you squirming and mewling for him, twisted in his covers. Completely filthy and begging him for him to ruin your insides. He relishes for the moment when your normally cool and arrogant gaze shatters for him, replaced with lust and longing for the pleasure only he can bring you. As you’ve told him numerous times.  
  
  
“Don’t forget, Reader,” he hisses into your ear, fingers rubbing the spot in between your legs, “You’re still my little bitch, no matter where you go.” You feel yourself get immediately wet, and you know he knows it too. “Are you sure she’s the one you want to be spending the night with?” He hates sharing his toys. You want him to kiss you, and grab the back of his head and try to tug his face down to yours.  
  
  
He holds your gaze and drops even lower as he makes his way down onto one knee. You gasp a little, it was your first time seeing him in this position and the sight of his blue eyes from that angle makes your stomach tighten. “Stop, you’ll get it dirty” you protest meekly as starts to move his mouth over the outside of your pants, an empty attempt to preserve your last shred of dignity. He know you don't mean it.   
  
  
He gives you a seductive chuckle, “You’re already dirty though” and you blush at the truthfulness of it all. Without your harnesses on, it’s easy for him to slide your cotton pants and underwear down, revealing your bare pussy to him. You take a breath, preparing yourself for what’s to come.   
  
  
He can feel your legs shaking as he runs his hands up the back of your thighs with the lightest of touches. Suddenly, he grabs your left leg and throws it over his right shoulder, supporting your weight on him. His fingers move up to fondle your ass and hips. He presses his nose into your clit and inhales deeply, watching your expression as you react to him. You moan in response.  
  
  
He nuzzles into you for a minute, memorizing your scent and relishing in how wet you are for him. Then, starts eating you out at as if he’s settled down to a 12 course meal. His tongue expertly licks up and down your opening, nibbling on your lips and teasing your entrance. You blush at the squelches that are coming from below you, but it feels too amazing for you to do anything else but concentrate on how his tongue is claiming complete ownership of you. He is making little grunts against your sex, entranced by how sweet you taste, and your mind goes completely blank. Once he’s decided that you’re riled up enough, he pushes his tongue in and circles once, slowly. You throw a hand over your mouth in an attempt to muffle the sob that rises from your chest, only to have him reach up and pull your hand down.  
  
  
“You’re not allowed to keep your moans from me” he says as he moves up to your clit. He sucks on it a little as he slips a finger into you. Then, the gently takes it in his teeth as he presses his finger against it from the inside. You don’t hold back the sound it triggers, and you feel him smile.  
  
  
“Good girl.” He sets to work, tonguing you fast and hard. All the while, his mouth is enclosed over it, giving him suction. You’re shaking hard now, most of your body weight supported on his face. You look down and see your slick dripping down the side of his cheeks and the sight is almost enough to tip you over the edge. This foul mouth, usually spitting curses at you, now busy underneath you and giving you the sweetest sensations imaginable. Suddenly, he is gone and you gasp in disappointment. He leans back and looks up to you, licking his lips. “Stay with me tonight.” He says to you, his tone gentle and inviting. He know how easily you give in to his requests when he is tender towards you, even if he is only faking it to hide ulterior motives. You know what he’s doing. He’s brought you this close, but won’t let you finish unless you blow off Hange.  
  
  
You whimper at him, trying to push him back to where he was, but he resists. “Stay with me, Reader, and I’ll fuck you until you can’t stand tomorrow.” _Goddammit, this man..._  
  
  
The offer is so tempting, any other night and you would have caved in right away. But you aren’t about to let him have his way this easily. He needs to know who he is dealing with.  
  
  
You look down at him, “No, Levi, I don’t think I will.” His eyes flash angrily from underneath you.  
  
  
“Are you okay leaving like this right now?”  
  
  
_Absolutely not._ It is dangerous to tease him, for sure, but you want him to finish you. And you know just what buttons to push in order to make that happen. “Do you think you’re the only guy here with a tongue?” With a low growl, his mouth clamps down over your sex again and he goes even faster, even harder. You moan in triumph and grab the back of his head and smash him even closer into you, grinding your hips on his mouth. You want him so close that he has to struggle to breathe, smothering him with your pussy. You know he gets insanely jealous at the thought of another man taking you. You are his and his alone to ravish. The idea that you would ever be with someone else is totally out of the question. You both know it, but the thought is enough to spur him on. The only goal in his mind is to make you lose yourself in pleasure only he can bring you.   
  
  
In no time at all, you are right on the edge again. “Levi!” you moan his name over and over, your vision closing in. He grunts his permission and you lose control, convulsing under his mouth and throwing your head back against the wall. The sensations running through your body are incredible. You'll never get tired of it.   
  
  
Even though you just came, he doesn’t let up. His tongue is going just as hard and the feeling soon changes from heavenly to overbearing. You gasp at the foreign pain that begins wracking your lower body, trying to pull him away. “Levi, Levi it’s too much. Please, stop!” But he doesn’t. He wraps an arm around your waist and locks you down, keeping you on his face. You think about saying your safe word, but don’t. This new territory is overwhelming, but with him, you are willing to go as far as he’ll take you.  
  
  
Completely helpless against this man, you struggle to get your mind together. His tongue is moving between your opening and your clit, fingers spreading you open and darting in every now and then to rub you from the inside. _Fuck, he is so good at this._ He conducts your body with complete mastery; your body sings a perfect symphony in response. Once the overbearing feeling has passed, you feel a new tide of pleasure rising inside again. He reads the way you start twitching, pleased at the responses he’s getting. How eager you are to come a second time for him. Suddenly, he’s on his feet, mouth slamming into yours as his fingers continue rubbing you. You can taste yourself on his tongue, but allow him to shove it down your throat anyways. It makes you blush, but something in you feels deeply satisfied, knowing how you're the only one he'll get on his knees for. Any thought of resistance is absolutely wiped from your mind. You wrap your arms around him and pull him closer to you, feeling his heartbeat against your chest. His fingers are moving relentlessly, and you break the kiss to whisper into his ear.  
  
  
“Levi, let me come, please.” You shut your eyes tightly and wait for permission.  
  
  
Suddenly, a hand gently cups your cheek and tilts your face up to his. “Open your eyes” he mutters. But you’re afraid to. You don’t want to let him see how vulnerable you are, how much you adore him in this moment. He understands. “I want to see the look in your eyes when you come undone for me.” His velvet voice reverberates between your ears. He rubs you even harder and you can’t help but obey. You open your eyes and gaze into the bottomless blue that consumes you. Even without words, he can tell everything you’re feeling.  
  
  
“Now.” He whispers, and the convulsions rack your body once more. Tears are flowing down your cheeks, but you obediently keep your eyes locked onto his. He can see you spiraling. His circles you slowly, prolonging your orgasm, watching as you struggle to maintain coherency. A thousand moments pass in between you two as you gaze at each other, a thousand emotions longing to be said, but never making themselves known. After a few moments, your muscles relax and you become limp against the wall. Only then, does he remove his hand and bend in to kiss your neck. Your arms are shaking as you pull him into you, inhaling his scent, trying to calm down and steady your breath. The effort it took to come twice in a row is more exhausting than you could have imagined.  
  
  
The two of you remain tangled together for a few more moments, then he pulls away and leads you into his bathroom. You sit on his sink while he wipes you off, but you hesitate to pull your clothes back on once he's finished. He sees the reason. Your underwear is pretty much ruined, drenched in the fluids that ran down your legs. He snatches them away before you can grab them, throwing you your pants instead. “I’m keeping these.” he says with a smirk.  
  
  
You snort and pull your pants on, wincing slightly as the rough fabric brushes rubs against your red and throbbing pussy. “Pervert” you mutter at him. _I'll_ _have to steal a pair of his boxers one of these days._ You turn to the mirror to straighten up your appearance and gasp when you see the hickey he left on your neck, on full display for all the world to see. Fuming, you whirl around to face him. His devilish smirk only deepens.  
  
  
“Have fun with Hange tonight” he says to you, voice full of arrogance, leaving you in the bathroom to gape after him. _Sadistic bastard._ It was payback, you know, for denying him the night. You turn back to the mirror and wrack your brain on how to hide the kiss mark. The best thing you can come up with is to braid your hair over your shoulder and try and keep it covered. You know it will be hard to keep it hidden all night, but you can’t let Hange get any ammo against you.  
  
  
Still pissed off, you stalk back to his office and grab your bag from the floor, shooting him a murderous look. He’s already resumed his calm composure, not looking up from his paperwork, chin resting in his hand. "Good night, _Captain._ " With a huff, you storm out of his office, slamming the door shut behind you.   
  
  
  
  
  
_As the door swings closed, Levi looks up. He opens his side drawer to reveal the panties he took from you. Hesitating, he brings it closer to inhale your scent once more, reliving the taste of you on his tongue. He's in a better mood than usual, after being able to make you come twice in a row._  
  
  
_“Open your eyes.” He remembers giving the command. You always tell him how good he makes your body feel, but that’s it, and something in him wants more. He wants to see if there’s anything else you are keeping from him. Blue eyes staring into brown, he searches for answers, hoping to find something that will help him understand what he’s been feeling lately because of you. He sees the adoration, the lust, as a tear drips down your cheek. He loves it when you look at him this way. When you come, the expression you give him makes the uncomfortable feeling rear its head again. His eyes flicker, but you are too gone to realize it. He leans in to inhale your scent, leaving his mark on your smooth neck._ She belongs to me. _The thought has filled his head all evening. The thought of you going to someone else made his vision red with jealousy. You belong to him and him alone. He doesn’t even want to share you with Hange.  
  
  
_But outside of here, she isn’t mine. _The fact is still clear. He was the one who set the terms in the beginning, but now it makes something in him shift uneasily. When did he start wanting to change that? And why? He puts the piece of clothing back down and slams the drawer shut. This isn't like him.  
_  
  
  
  
The night passes quickly in Hange’s bedroom. Unlike Levi's, her room is full of books and loose papers, clothes scattered around in piles on the floor. You have to be careful where you step, since you know she has more than one pair of glasses lost somewhere in the mess. The two of you drink and laugh and play games late into the night, talking about impossible inventions and geeking out over titans. You complain about your squad members and the way they treat you, and she pats your shoulder sympathetically. "They're just jealous of how skilled you are, Petra especially. She doesn't like sharing the limelight with anybody else. Don't worry about it, you know how girls are." you grunt in agreement, as if the two of you aren't girls yourselves. It is so easy to talk to Hange, she feels like your long lost twin; you may be very different on the outside, but your souls are the same. It doesn’t take long for her to see the mark on your neck and she zeroes in on it with wide eyes.  
  
  
“WHAAAT?” she’s yelling at you, cheeks flushed. “Is this what I think it is? It definitely is, isn’t it?”  
  
  
You struggle to make an excuse, already pretty drunk, and the best you can come up with is, “I must have burned myself in the shower earlier” The memory of Levi underneath you flashes in your mind. The blue eyes looking up at you. The motion of his tongue. The way your juices dripped down his face. For a minute, you're back, pressed against his wall, sensations overwhelmed. You shudder and blush a deeper shade of red, giving yourself away.  
  
  
Hange's eyes widen as she reads your expression. You can't hide anything from her. “It’s Levi, isn’t it? It 100% has to be Levi. I knew the two of you have been acting strange for a while. He’s always calling you into his office and you've been in way too good of a mood lately. You guys are together, aren’t you?" She fires question after question at you.  
  
  
You can't help but laugh at her enthusiasm, “Let’s make it clear, no one is ever _with_ Levi. That man that wants to be alone forever, and no one in this world can change that.” You refuse to answer the rest of her questions, trying to change the subject.  
  
  
Eventually, she gives up. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to keep stalking the two of you. You're bound to give something away eventually.” She ignores your protests, “Even if you won’t tell me anything, I know Levi well enough to read the signs. He thinks he’s so clever at hiding his emotions, but he gives everything away with his eyes.” This captures your interest slightly, and you wait for her to go on. “He can’t help but look at what he wants, without fail, every time. The longer it's kept from him, the longer he stares. It's usually with cleaning supplies, though.” She finishes.  
  
  
_Looking at what he wants…_ You remember him ordering you to look into his eyes, and your stomach flip flops a little. _No, this isn’t the same. That was just a sex thing. I can’t compare to a cleaning supply._ But the thought stays in the back of your mind for the rest of the night. Eventually, the wine makes you sleepy, and you pass out curled up next to her on her bed.  
  
  
Hange smiles down at you, stroking your hair as she finishes the bottle of wine. You are like the little sister she never had, and she treasures you dearly. For the first time, you are keeping something from her, and it makes her insanely curious. But she reads you better than you know; it was the first time she has heard you call him by just his name, _Levi_. She leans back, mind racing a mile a minute, thinking up possible scenarios in which she can trap the two of you. And also, how she can push the two of you closer together. Her smile widens. _Two people who both suck at recognizing their emotions._ _This is going to be fun._  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, okay, okay. I tried my best at combining porn with plot lmao. Also, I know how easy it is to make Hange the love doctor, but I can't resist. I love her so much, okay? Just wait till we get all of them + Erwin in a room together. 
> 
> I'm almost through writing out all the dirty scenarios I know we've all imagined (I blushed a little writing this, ngl), and then I'll focus more on the plot development and fluff (along with LOTS of teasing). This fic has to end eventually, lol. 
> 
> Is it coming through that I'm trying to show, while feelings and physical touch often accompany one another, it is not guaranteed. I am trying hard to show Levi & Reader's emotional development separate from their growing physical connection. I'm trying to do that through little nuances (ie, how Reader refers to him as Levi vs Captain Levi in her own thoughts), but if it's not working, I'll try and be more obvious about it in the future. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading my little story. I have had a lot more fun writing this than I ever imagined. I won't be able to update as frequently anymore, but I'll be working on it whenever I need a break from my normal work :)
> 
> Comments, as always, are loved and appreciated. It is really encouraging to know that people are enjoying Reader's journey. 
> 
> Lots of love, 
> 
> -M


End file.
